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 Taku-To Kasuta (sheet) (2nd draft)

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PostSubject: Taku-To Kasuta (sheet) (2nd draft)   Wed Nov 30, 2011 4:42 pm

[1]Yes,has watched Anime, read Manga 1-7.

[2]Name: Taku-To (jinsen) Kasuta or 002(number in race)

[3]Age: (human) 16

[4]Gender: Male

[5]Physical appearance: his hair is black w/ yellow base, orange filled, red tipped highlights. (from his root blood) his eyes are a dark amber color. He has a very skinny build, not to mention he’s only 5.4. His right leg is burnt from the knee down from a house fire when he was 12. And his chest has a large scar across the right lung cavity while over his heart is a number “002 that states he is the second of his race. His hair is swept back with a white strip hanging to the right of his forehead acting as bangs.

[6]Clothing of choice: Allied/regular: taku-to wears his grey-”V” neck T, Navy blue fatigues made of special material and a Black overcoat w/ a red vertical stripe from the Left shoulder down lined with steel plating he also wears a Burlap satchel.
Axis/spy: When spying on the Nazis he wears a Millennium Officers Combat dress with added armor on the shoulders knees and thighs.

[7]Weaponry of choice: Allied: Equipped with a M16A2 attached to it is a silencer and a dual clip for fast reloads and a Hellsing PSG-1 for his sniper missions it is equipped with a tec-malia silencer which not only hides flash, but acts as a ghille to all detectable radar/sonar. Axis: MP40 modded with a carbon stock & silencer,while his secondary is a Mauser C96 with army surplus ammo.

[8]Race: Taku-To is a tec-malia a race of Human-traited androids.

[9]Abilities:are able to hack anything, and use mind bend technology to conceal their true forms, also since he is a vampire he has the power to disappear in shadows/darkness

[10]Organization: Taku-To currently works for Hellsing, and spies on millennium.

[11]Personality: Taku-To is a very secretive person who barley trusts people, even if he knows them. Note he will pull a gun on people he doesn’t know due to his dark pass as being alone ,and having trust betrayed by everyone he knew.

[12]Rank: he holds a rank in Hellsing, as Captain. and a rank in Millennium as Chief Officer.

[13]Biography: Abandoned as a child (aged 6) Taku-To was found and raised a military child, he was known to snatch things from the top shelf without anyone noticing. His “father” a Genral in the Hellsing attack force signed him up for the spies program making use of his skills. As he was recruited he caught onto the military life faster than any other and proceeded to his first missions at age 11. Although only equipped with a Colt M1911 he completed every mission flawlessly. After finding out his secret at age 13 that he was a tec-malia he achieved greater goals and more complex missions.
Now aged 16 he is a perfect spy and achieved medals which are pinned on his wall in the barracks. Known to have links to Yakuza divisions left over from his country he trained them to act like cold hard killers, as his trusted team they impersonate Millennium squad “Foxtrot-Arc-Leonard-Serpent-Echo” (A.K.A. “F.A.L.S.E”). he does on occasion talk straight forward to the millennium generals/officers but often he only replies with a “ja” or “jawhol”.
Taku-To’s goal is to become the head of the spy division of Hellsing. If he works hard he also hopes to gain a rank in millennium and soon betray the army and turn the majority of the force on the leaders. Other than that, he wants to find his lost father and possibly mother. Although they have been missing for 14 years he hopes to find them alive in Greenland their last known location. His life changes ever more each day as a new piece of his story falls apart… and reviles a bigger picture.
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PostSubject: Re: Taku-To Kasuta (sheet) (2nd draft)   Wed Nov 30, 2011 4:43 pm

please do not critisize.
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PostSubject: Re: Taku-To Kasuta (sheet) (2nd draft)   Wed Nov 30, 2011 5:34 pm

[1]Yes,has watched Anime, read Manga 1-7.

Okay.

[2]Name: Taku-To (jinsen) Kasuta or 002(number in race)

Um, okay.

[3]Age: (human) 16

That's pushing it.

[4]Gender: Male

I guess.

[5]Physical appearance: his hair is black w/ yellow base, orange filled, red tipped highlights. (from his root blood) his eyes are a dark amber color. He has a very skinny build, not to mention he’s only 5.4. His right leg is burnt from the knee down from a house fire when he was 12. And his chest has a large scar across the right lung cavity while over his heart is a number “002 that states he is the second of his race. His hair is swept back with a white strip hanging to the right of his forehead acting as bangs.

I am so confused right now that I don't even know how to ask for clarification.

[6]Clothing of choice: Allied/regular: taku-to wears his grey-”V” neck T, Navy blue fatigues made of special material and a Black overcoat w/ a red vertical stripe from the Left shoulder down lined with steel plating he also wears a Burlap satchel.
Axis/spy: When spying on the Nazis he wears a Millennium Officers Combat dress with added armor on the shoulders knees and thighs.

As I peeked at the rest, I'll go into more detail on why I don't like this later, as it plays into your bio and such. On the subject of clothing, this is not enough detail, for one. Also, doesn't he ever wear anything different?

[7]Weaponry of choice: Allied: Equipped with a M16A2 attached to it is a silencer and a dual clip for fast reloads and a Hellsing PSG-1 for his sniper missions it is equipped with a tec-malia silencer which not only hides flash, but acts as a ghille to all detectable radar/sonar. Axis: MP40 modded with a carbon stock & silencer,while his secondary is a Mauser C96 with army surplus ammo.

I've never heard of a tec-malia silencer, so I need some sort of reasoning behind why this would work that way and why no one else has used this technology.

[8]Race: Taku-To is a tec-malia a race of Human-traited androids.

1. tec-malia is not an applicable race. 2. Androids are not an applicable race. 3. If anything, this would be a special human.

[9]Abilities:are able to hack anything, and use mind bend technology to conceal their true forms, also since he is a vampire he has the power to disappear in shadows/darkness

You cannot hack anything, you can't have unlimited shape shifting ability, and when did you become a vampire?

[10]Organization: Taku-To currently works for Hellsing, and spies on millennium.

...okay then.

[11]Personality: Taku-To is a very secretive person who barley trusts people, even if he knows them. Note he will pull a gun on people he doesn’t know due to his dark pass as being alone ,and having trust betrayed by everyone he knew.

This has next to no detail at all and makes him out to be a pretty bad spy.

[12]Rank: he holds a rank in Hellsing, as Captain. and a rank in Millennium as Chief Officer.

Integra can approve the rank if she wants, but no one cares about that in Hellsing. Major needs to approve the rank in Millennium, but that's not an applicable Nazi rank.

[13]Biography: Abandoned as a child (aged 6) Taku-To was found and raised a military child, he was known to snatch things from the top shelf without anyone noticing. His “father” a Genral in the Hellsing attack force signed him up for the spies program making use of his skills. As he was recruited he caught onto the military life faster than any other and proceeded to his first missions at age 11. Although only equipped with a Colt M1911 he completed every mission flawlessly. After finding out his secret at age 13 that he was a tec-malia he achieved greater goals and more complex missions.
Now aged 16 he is a perfect spy and achieved medals which are pinned on his wall in the barracks. Known to have links to Yakuza divisions left over from his country he trained them to act like cold hard killers, as his trusted team they impersonate Millennium squad “Foxtrot-Arc-Leonard-Serpent-Echo” (A.K.A. “F.A.L.S.E”). he does on occasion talk straight forward to the millennium generals/officers but often he only replies with a “ja” or “jawhol”.
Taku-To’s goal is to become the head of the spy division of Hellsing. If he works hard he also hopes to gain a rank in millennium and soon betray the army and turn the majority of the force on the leaders. Other than that, he wants to find his lost father and possibly mother. Although they have been missing for 14 years he hopes to find them alive in Greenland their last known location. His life changes ever more each day as a new piece of his story falls apart… and reviles a bigger picture.

First sentence in already has me asking so many questions; why was he abandoned at 6 years old? If he was abandoned, how was he raised as anything? Why do we care if he's a kleptomaniac with a pension for high places?

Second sentence just has me questioning how any of this is possible. I don't even think Hellsing has generals to begin with, and they don't have spies or a spy program. Why is father in quotes, by the way?

Even if I could believe Hellsing would take a 6 year old and train them to be a spy, I refuse to believe they would allow an 11 year old to go on dangerous missions. Not only that, he's apparently some prodigy at everything, since he was the best at training and out-shined full grown, war hardened adults on missions. With only a pistol.

What is this tec-malia thing? I have no idea what that means at all, and how did he even discover it? Or did someone else discover it? What does it even mean for his physical ability? I don't know anymore.

A 16 year old is not even close to being a perfect spy. I also seriously doubt you could amass a bunch of medals in such a short time either. And now he not only came from Japan, but trained the Yakuza. Who act as spies for him in Millennium. A German organization. In a squad that, not only doesn't make sense to be named after an English word, but doesn't even make sense at all if you dissect the name. Your goals also make no sense, as Hellsing is not a spy organization, and the Millennium soldiers would never turn on the Major, no matter what rank you manage to get.

Wait, I thought he was abandoned? His parents might not even be alive now? What?


This character makes no sense at all. Not only do I sense a general lack of understanding of the source material, I don't think you have the necessary control over the English language to be able to play here; that isn't meant to be mean, I'm being straight up honest with you. You've also failed to complete an RP sample after asked in the chatbox, as well as this being your second draft. There is so much wrong with this character, I don't believe it's salvageable at all. My only advice is to start over completely, lurk the site, reread the manga, and improve your English.


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