The inner you?

In hellsing if it was really reality what would be the inner you honestly? As for me i simply can't say as my mind is like the wind most of the time it is barely thinking very actively. Most of the time doing as my instincts as unnatural and man made as they are that is still what i believe them to be. Training you have been so used to they are now a part of you for better or worse.
So lets please be honest if you can or if you don't know like me simply say so.

I'll start an extermination business. Rent an exterminator and consider those pesky ghouls gone! Mhuhahahahahahahah....


Then release them again and up the price for round 2.

Inner Me:
I would, firstly, align myself with whatever the most powerful, yet non-evil, Organization I could find, for survival. Naturally, you sign on with a criminal organization or gang, you're subject to being exterminated upon a whim. You sign on with religious fanatics, you're at risk of the same treatment unless you're not only of the race of said individuals, but also subscribe to their beliefs and live by their doctrine(s) devoutly. One reason I love the Hellsing Organization? They're politically backed by their Country's sovereigns, and they don't nuke their own troops/soldiers/fighters on a whim, or out of boredom (like Millennium would). Also, while you're obligated to say your prayers, you're not expected to live a chaste, ascetic lifestyle in Hellsing (unlike Iscariot).

Secondly, I would do what I do best: gather information, and make myself useful in that regard. Buying/selling information (and using these skills to benefit my Faction) would be how I would make myself indispensable, and also pull my weight in the Organization.

^ In a way, same as my character Maximillion does! I do tend to play my characters pretty realistically, so perhaps that plays a hand in where my Inner Me manifests IC. :p

I do believe I would quite literally be Alucard. The way we speak and think is the same for the most part. Only difference is that sometimes I'm a little too nice to be him but otherwise...

Maximillion wrote:

Inner Me:
I would, firstly, align myself with whatever the most powerful, yet non-evil, Organization I could find, for survival. Naturally, you sign on with a criminal organization or gang, you're subject to being exterminated upon a whim. You sign on with religious fanatics, you're at risk of the same treatment unless you're not only of the race of said individuals, but also subscribe to their beliefs and live by their doctrine(s) devoutly. One reason I love the Hellsing Organization? They're politically backed by their Country's sovereigns, and they don't nuke their own troops/soldiers/fighters on a whim, or out of boredom (like Millennium would). Also, while you're obligated to say your prayers, you're not expected to live a chaste, ascetic lifestyle in Hellsing (unlike Iscariot).

Secondly, I would do what I do best: gather information, and make myself useful in that regard. Buying/selling information (and using these skills to benefit my Faction) would be how I would make myself indispensable, and also pull my weight in the Organization.

^ In a way, same as my character Maximillion does! I do tend to play my characters pretty realistically, so perhaps that plays a hand in where my Inner Me manifests IC. :p

I love how much thought you put into this it means to me at least; that you don't want to just be just a random person in life.

Alucard wrote:

I do believe I would quite literally be Alucard. The way we speak and think is the same for the most part. Only difference is that sometimes I'm a little too nice to be him but otherwise...

You make a damn good Alucard. I can HEAR him in your posts. Its refreshing, to see that much realism.

Jack wrote:

I love how much thought you put into this it means to me at least; that you don't want to just be just a random person in life.

A big part of it is recognizing my strengths and my weaknesses. I'm not going to be The Almighty Protagonist, nor would I be The Nefarious Antagonist. I'm not going to be the leader of some powerful Organization, but neither am I going to be just a henchman or underling.

Positioning myself under a powerful Organization, and lending them my every skillset, is the best way (in my opinion) to have both job security, as well as have the backing that comes with not being a "Lone Wolf".

At the same time, I can only follow a Leader I respect, whether they're super mellow, or a hardcore jerk...if they have remarkable skills that I respect (Leadership, Kindness, Firmness, Flexibility, etc), then I will endure whatever it takes to make it work for me.

Of course, with Maximillion X being in Hellsing, you might think that's the opposite of what I've said before. But while she may be a hardass, canon Integra has always cared deeply for those who serve under her, and she wouldn't do anything to screw over, or sabotage, her own people (unlike Millennium).

She's a hardass because, being a woman, she has to be more hardcore to earn the same amount of respect from men who're used to seeing MEN serving those roles of Leadership. She may resent this necessity, but she still knuckles down, gets to business, and doesn't busy her mind with the worries and "What Ifs" others might.

In my opinion, that's ABSOLUTELY admirable! It's people like her who will win the respect of men worldwide, not the ones who're overly docile, nor the ones who're overly hostile. (It's sad that most men don't seem to respect someone if they have bewbz, but at least some of us are smart enough to know that women are equally, if not moreso, qualified for most roles than men. )

It has been a long time since I have been able to be myself; the real me not just what others want me to be or act like. I am not talk of being able to do so on this site I mean just in general. It has been years since I last have last been my true self and have enjoyed doing so. Even if by distancing myself is how i get to be myself; It matters not in the end so long as I am my true myself. So let my say if you would allow me without issue of my doing so; what the real my would be if Hellsing was reality. It does not happen very often that I am truly myself mentally as my mind is so often clouded by my medicine that I take. Please understand that I am not one who is likely to change at all unless it is necessary for me to do so in order to live. My character's are all based from the fact that the real me and the clouded minded mentality of my other way of thinking. That being said I can now type what and how the real me would be and act if Hellsing was reality.

I would be a kind, shy, and passive person to the point I would willingly become a person's pet. Let's not go into further detail on that part of things. But when and if I ever broke inside I would become as i have once before. I would have a blood-lust that was uncontrollable unless calmed only by a loved one. That if I didn't already kill them out of my bloodthirsty rage. Once like that unless caught in time or another person willingly the time taken to learn and properly medicate him out of his unnatural rage. Thought if he would have severed the bond with his loved ones any of them in fact. If that line has been crossed then unfortunately his rage would never by able to lift as he would have nothing left to live for except his own death. Swallowed by a mix of his own rage and grief nothing would by able to change his mind or fate.

That is the real me the side I have kept hidden so society can live without fear of a so called psychopath. But don't think for a moment that I am as what the actors on television would like others to believe us to be.

I see what you're saying, and I think I would be very similar, in terms of being in my proverbial 'shell'. In the offline realm, I'm very introverted, and I often prefer to observe than participate, although I'm working on being more sociable (as I am with my small, select group of friends).

I know I am always at war, it seems, with what I call Good Ryan and Wicked Ryan. I am very warm and friendly towards people who are good to me, but if someone crosses me, I can't help but see them as less-than-human, maybe even going so far as to regard them inwardly as trash. I don't believe that 'malevolent types' warrant even baser level human courtesies from me, and I think of them as being less than dog stool.

So, truth be known, despite my "Chaotic Good" nature, I'd be particularly vindictive, cruel and malicious towards people who I knew joyfully preyed upon others (especially if they selected those they felt were 'easy targets', especially those undeserving of mistreatment), and kind towards people who had more of a "live and let live" attitude, and didn't try to interfere with others' personal freedoms.

Hmmm...

Now that I think of it, I think I categorize people in three categories:

Category A: Good People
They may have quirks, or even vindictive tendencies, but they are genuinely endeavoring to be good towards others, and they do the best they can in that regard. Their human fallibility doesn't stop them from meaning well.

Category B: Neutral
Either we're incompatible, or I just find them extremely obnoxious, I still don't wish them any ill will. I may get angry at them, and we may yell, shout, curse at each other, but ultimately...if I saw them on the road when I was driving, I wouldn't go out of my way to hit them. People who infringe other's freedoms, but don't do so just to selfishly and greedily profit from it, would fall within this category in my eyes. These might be people who are only unkind as an unintended consequence of their station in life (such as a Manager or Supervisor who only fires people who need their jobs, when his own job is on the line) , or people who will - if approached about their behavior - probably take steps to try and improve their behavior.

Category C: "Malevolents"
These people derive pleasure from hurting people who don't deserve it. They'd rob an old lady, get someone fired from their job as 'payback' for an earlier disagreement, they would falsely allege 'rape' of a person just to see hell brought down upon them. This category also includes rapists, wonton murderers (who don't just target those who deserve it), and who connive and manipulate people compulsively, feeling no remorse for it. I can't stand these types one bit, and would probably go above and beyond my means to snuff their lives out. They're a cancer to society, and will only bring ruin and pain to all whose paths they cross.


So, I guess I wouldn't be a Hero, Antihero, Villain or Anti-Villain. I would be someone who tries their very best, while adhering to their own moral code, with little to no consideration with the Laws, Rules and Regulations of Religion, Syndicates, etc...save for what is necessary for survival, and necessary for the cause of whatever Group/Organization/Etc who supplies for his livelihood, and the well-being of his loved ones.

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So, Jack, do you feel like you might flourish if given an outlet for a lot of that pent up aggression and frustration? I mean, RP kinda does that for me, but I'm also involved in some LARP Swordfighting venues, and lift weights when I'm feeling particularly testy (lol). I struggle with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and A.D.D., so that also comes with it's own share of strengths and challenges, and a touch of Depression that is currently being treated (but just the Depression, since most meds they'll give me have had adverse effects).

I have many disorders of which I can only remember a few of. As to flourishing from such a thing I don't know but I think not. As I am in a proverbial 'shell' much like you said of yourself to be. But most simply don't want to grasp the reality of who have become. Sadly the real me is not concision as of now; as his way of thinking and feeling are most the time in as way 'shrouded' by my medicine. The one you speak to as of now and also most of the time is a facade made to please others and keep me my freedom. That is the truth of things. As the real me is jaded inside and will hurt or even worse be willing to kill people that he loves so long as it keeps him alive. He has deep and strong lust for fighting a worthy fight that makes everything a challenge both while still fighting and for a long time after. Though he has a lust for a good fight his lust for other things is undeniably just as strong. While the facade that I normally wear by force is almost nothing alike him. I am kind never wanting to willing hurt another person unless it is serves to protect them in the end. Where he will do anything in order to live I will not be so cruel unless it has to be that way. His mind is broken and deeply lase with insanity and a cruelty only matched by the pain inside us both. He is unstable and very likely to willing hurt his family, friend or even his lover if one exist. I would only only do so if I had a very unlikely ultimatum to save ones live or the others. I am not in a 'shell' I am a competently different person then he is.

The inner me in this reality despite the fact I play Integra would be a vampire.  Not just any vampire either.  A very powerful vampire.  Second most powerful.  One who has friends in high places.  Or low depending how you want to look at it. I'm already unable to walk in sunlight anyway, and I'm a night owl. I have external lupus. Stress, and sunlight cause flare ups. If I stay out in the sun with no sunscreen for too long I get blisters. So when I go outside if I'm going to a festival, or whatever I have to put on sunscreen. 100 spf. Then I have to wear a wide brim hat to cover my face, and neck. Other option is a parasol, and umbrella.

Integra F. W. Hellsing wrote:

The inner me in this reality despite the fact I play Integra would be a vampire.  Not just any vampire either.  A very powerful vampire.  Second most powerful.  One who has friends in high places.  Or low depending how you want to look at it.  I'm already unable to walk in sunlight anyway, and I'm a night owl.  I have external lupus.  Stress, and sunlight cause flare ups.  If I stay out in the sun with no sunscreen for too long I get blisters.  So when I go outside if I'm going to a festival, or whatever I have to put on sunscreen.  100 spf.  Then I have to wear a wide brim hat to cover my face, and neck.  Other option is a parasol, and umbrella.

Do you see yourself as possibly having some of the same leanings as Integra Hellsing? Such as running a high-end Organization with powerful comerades, sidekicks, and your own paramilitary? Or do you see yourself as being more solitary, "Lone Wolf" type?

Deranged, mad on power and beating up vampires for giving "good" vampires a bad name.