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 The Raven - Gridrigor

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Phoeberia
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PostSubject: The Raven - Gridrigor   Wed Aug 13, 2014 9:23 am

I've watched the Ovas thats for sure~ lol

Name: Gridrigor. {Gri}

Age: Looks to be about 30.

Gender: Male

Physical appearance: Stands close to 7ft, dark tone of skin, his eye color though will depend on his mood, they usually remain a copper and blue occasionally turning to red or purple depending on his level of hunger. He has jet black hair that goes down to his waist, he regularly keeps it braided or tied back and it isnt uncommon for him to have dark feathers in it. His build is quite bulky and hes been known to change height by a few inches when agitated or trying to intimidate someone. When threatened or angered hes known to fluff up abit, mainly bristling but with long hair it goes mostly unnoticed and his mood depends on his eye color. Or if he hits you or not.

Clothing of choice: He avoids wearing shoes the best he can, he prefers to have his feet exposed to the ground and expresses, if asked, that it helps him move around easier and quicker. Though for decency sake, he wears a shirt and jeans, there's no real specific type of clothing he prefers, just nothing constricting around his torso.

Weaponry of choice: He isnt overly fond of using weapons, he usually tries to avoid fighting, but if it comes up, he carries with him a spiked chain. Hes not fond of using guns or them being near him, but if he had to his keen eyes allow him some help with precision shots. {More or less a sniper.}

Race: Special human?

Abilities: {Energy and how its gained and lost:} With him and his brothers, their abilities vary but all count on the amount of power they carry with them. As for Gri he is known for more brute force than anything. while in other places he and his brothers were compared to gods they never accepted this title, simply something given by ignorant humans who worshiped anything abnormal. Gri has alot of energy, but most of his abilities take a big chunk of it from him.

  • Traits: Depending on what abilities they possess, it is often that these brands of humans are more fit than the regular ones, even able to go up on par with a vampire, albeit the weaker sorts.
  • Flight: This takes energy over the time its used and can account for blood loss if he messes up. He has deep scars on his back over his shoulder blades, when and if he flies, they rip open, spreading out black wings, though in truth this is the blood that runs through his veins and while it can help get oxygen into his blood quicker, if this was disrupted and separated from him, its a large amount of blood loss.
  • Regeneration: While he can take shots without much trouble from low caliber weapons, it takes quite abit of energy for him to recover quickly from them. This leaves him to regularly try and end the fight as quickly as possible. If he was to take a heavy energy, he would have to retreat and sleep and/or feed. In which he is left very vulnerable.
  • Keen eyes: An inhanced since, each brother has their own unique, his are his eyes. Mainly vision at a distance, like any bird of prey. When focusing on a target, his eyes will regularly turn black and purple.

Organization: Unaffiliated

Personality: Gridrigor has only been 'alive' for about five years, his personality is regularly blank and hes steadily learning more about himself and how to act in different situations. Though this means many jokes may go over his head and he will give a more logical explination for something. Otherwise hes a stern person except for if hes around children, he becomes quite kind hearted and gentle. He preffers kids and animals to adults, less judgmental as far as hes concerned.

Rank: N/A not sure if hes part of anything, hes steadily learning the laws of this place.

Biography: Gridrigor and his brothers surfaced a couple of years back, though he was separated from them due to an attack on their fathers and grandfather. During this they lost a large amount of their original strength. He spend his time tracking his brothers down, but it is not a priority to him either. Hes knowledgable in the basis of the world around him only from the memories given to him from his birth. hes found little reason to question it though over the year and just lives one day after another. Though steadily finds himself worrying over his brothers and why they themselves have yet to find him.

His hope in finding his brothers though is to retrieve their grandfather and head home. Though this is not an uncommon event for the trio to go through and deal with aswell. Their quite open with what all has happened, though to a degree. Gri keeps the situation of their arrival under wraps to strangers due to getting caught up in more distraction or worse be found by their half brother who intends to cause them more grief.

RP sample:
Haylies bright eyes flared for a moment as the blade pierced her through then she let out a long sigh. Her pupils widened and then went glassy. Her arms slid from his shoulders to fall limply at her sides.
    As the world heaved and tossed and crumbled into chaos around them, Haylie lay peacefully in his embrace.
He watched quietly, watching the life slip from her, he felt strength returning to him but... he felt hallow, for all he cared this world could end but.. she wouldn't want that,  He withdrew the blade, carefully laying her on the ground, removing his cloak and putting it around her, a tedious task but worth it, "I'll be back.." he turned, his duel blades turning into one sword, slicing open the air and stepping through to the pantheon.
Divinity laid bare was a sight to behold. One that Azell, Gri, and Grayson had seen many times but was no less astonishing. Especially today when the ethereal fabric was torn and stained with the blood of the gods. The dwellings of the pantheon stood like great monuments, though some were broken and shattered. And around each of these dwellings stood another home. A 'step' in the hierarchy of the dieties. Connecting these were great roads.
Another dwelling shattered and with it another world in the cosmos colapsed. The dragon stepped forth from the hall, leaving it to crumble behind him as he stepped along the road that lead to the next step. The next targets whos deaths would assure the universes destruction.
    "They that must die for justice's sake." The dragon whispered. "They will learn to not meddle with us mortals like playthings."
Azell snarled his rage flaring, "Ceoltior! ENOUGH!" he rushed forwards, in this world of gods, his stood close to eight feet, covered in black armor, his face hidden within the darkness of a hood and mask, wings floating behind him as he approached, "When will this revenge be sated! Even if all the gods die nothing will change! You have and will loose more than what you came to get vengence over!"
The dragon staggered as the demigod crashed into the bridge, blocking his advance. He looked up and bellowed with rage.
"Don't stand in my way, Azell! I have already lost everything! There is nothing left but to carry out vengeance against these tyrants! When I am done they will never play with another soul as they have played with mine!" He glared and raised his sword.
"Now get out of my way, or die!"
He snarkled, "I will destroy you if I must... but I will not allow you to take millions of lives!" he continued to float where he 'stood' glaring and eyes blazing within the shadow of his hood, "I will not allow more pointless deaths." he rushed in sword readied.
"Their deaths will only be in vain if I fail!" Ceoltoir snarled as he raised his own blade. When the two metals met they sang in a loud cacouphany. Ceoltoir was pushed back but deflected the blow to send Azell over him. "YOU CAN NOT STOP ME!" He implored.
He snarled landing on his feet, turning to him again, growling, "And when all these beings are dead than what! Will their deaths matter not!" he rushed in again, "Those who you have hurt will seek to destroy you, and the even more blind fools will do as you do and kill all who breath fire!" he snarled.
"Those that live will learn to not trifle with those they are greater than!" Ceoltoir hissed, raising his sword again to block the strike. Again the swords hummed their dissonant chord. The dragon darted in to stab Azell.
"They will learn that lives are not their playthings! They will learn that they are not free from the consequences of their sin!"
He snarled stepping back, bringing his claws hand down to allow the blade to peirce his hand but use it to move the blade to the side and up, driving his blade towards his shoulder, "This is not the way to go about it! killing innocence still when the one who did you wrong is far away from this place! Enjoying your pointless slaughter!" he roared, hurt in his voice, this is why he lost haylie, over some madened fools quest.
He shreiked, tearing his sword from Azell's hand but still getting stabbed. He screamed and jumped back, his shoulder spitting blood.
"None of them are innocent!" He screamed. "What innocence is there in rescuing me from the mercy of death!? WHAT INNOCENT BEING WOULD CAST ME BACK INTO A WORLD WHERE ALL I LOVE IS DESTROYED AND DEFILED?!" He clutched his shoulder to staunch the bloodflow. "The evil sought to destroy me, and the good sought to use me! Better that they die than be the forces that sway the universe!"
He clenched his hand into a fist, the wound shutting, he muttered, "What about Haylie... and the ones who died to bring you here... you look like a wreck, im sure theyre proud of what you've done, destroying their homes, their loved ones..." he glared, "Disappearing from this world as a memory by some monster like you." his eyes glinted and he smiled, "Do you really want to walk such a path, the path to becoming a god?"
Ceoltoir's eyes flared with rage and pain. Haylie. . . how hurt she had been when Ceol betrayed her. "Only the sinless should stand as gods!" He snarled. "AND SO HERE I STAND TO ENSURE THAT IS THE CASE!" He raised his blade to strike at Aza's head. "WHEN THE WORLD IS FREE FROM THESE DEFILING CLAWS THEN THEY WILL BE PROUD." He struck again wildly, spittle hurtling from his jaws. "WHEN SIN HAS BEEN CLEANSED FROM HERE THEN THEY WILL BE PROUD!"
He fanned his wings moving back, growling low, "the gods here make the same mistakes as mortals, but doing this will do nothing!" he rushed in after his next swing, aiming to slam into him and pin him down, growling, "Haylie would be far from proud of what you've become! I doubt your loved ones would aswell!! DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHY YOU DO THIS?!" he snarled, "The aimless killing, do you not remember the peace you once had, even afterwards, the days with haylie and others who became allies?!" He hissed, "Do their deaths mean nothing!" he tensed and shivered, "Haylie sent me here to bring you back do not make her sacrifice a waste!"
"SHUT UP!" He screamed, wrapping his tail around Azell's leg and wrenching him off enough for the dragon to toss him away with his legs. "This is the greater good! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT!?" He picked up his sword, eyes bloodshot and crazed. "FOR ALL FUTURE SOULS TO BE LIBERATED FROM THIS TYRANY THERE IS NO COST TOO GREAT!" He screamed and charged across the distance between him and Azell, hefting his sword and swinging with as much might as he could muster.
He hissed landing on his back, sitting up as Ceoltior was soon over him, he snarled, "Than you are no better than the gods..." his sword coiled around his hand and he rushed in, taking the blow of the sword to his shoulder, but driving his own blade to go into Ceoltiors side, pushing forwards so they were on the edge of the gap, he snarled low.
Ceol screamed and clutched at the place where he'd been peirced, his eyes bulging with pain and hatred. "NO. YOU CAN NOT STOP ME!" He implored. "NOT NOW!" Tears of rage and sadness poured down his face. "NOT WHEN I'M SO CLOSE! ALL THE SACRIFICE WILL HAVE BEEN FOR NOTHING IF YOU STOP ME HERE!" He shreiked as he was pushed closer and closer to the edge of the bridge.
He glared continueing to step forwards muttering, "The sacrifices were already all for nothing.. You killed nothing but the beings who held worlds together... those with no ability to leave this place..." he paused at the edge, "You would have destroyed everything even yourself... and still not accomplished your goal..." he growled, tensing and shoving him out away from him.
"NO, AZELL. DON'T DO THIS TO ME! NOT NOW NOT-" His breath caught in his throat as he was pushed off the ledge. He hovered there, suspended in the nothingness for a second that felt like eternity. His eyes, those deep green pits gleaming like precious emeralds, glimmered with hate. What Ceoltoir didn't have the time to speak was said all to clearly in those eyes.

    'I will never forgive you'

The dragon plummeted off the bridge into the fog that separated the worlds.
Pantheon was silent.
He stumbled abit, his shoulder healing but he collapsed to his knees, he came here but he could not leave, he had no energy to, no way to gain it and he had to keep the world stable... he was traped her. He smiled to himself though, it was worth it... for haylie... all of it was worth it.


Last edited by Phoeberia on Sun Aug 17, 2014 4:26 pm; edited 3 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Thu Aug 14, 2014 10:10 am

On your abilities I need you to list, and explain all of his abilities because I feel like there's a lot you are not telling us. For us to judge this properly we need to know everything about what he can do.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Thu Aug 14, 2014 10:28 am

okay give me a moment lol.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Thu Aug 14, 2014 10:35 am

Fixed I think.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Sun Aug 17, 2014 10:58 am

Good drawing. I'll give you that. Excellent pen strokes. As far as the character though, for me this is a bit sparse. I'd like at least two to three more sentences for each section. There's no clear description as to personality or clothing and even the bio is a little sparse as we still don't know anything about his roots. I do get a pretty clear picture of him from the appearance though so I'll give you kudos on that for a good first attempt. The RP Sample is alright but the formatting could be improved but hey, maybe that's just me being picky. As they say, the devil's in the details so here's what I need from you...

Changes pending approval:
Change Organization to "Unaffiliated"

More details in the following sections:
Clothing
Weaponry
Abilities
Personality
Biography

I know it's a lot but that's usually the tier of RPer that I look for. Not giving an outright disapproval though as I see the potential for this to be a lot better. Feel free to post if you have any further questions.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:31 am

I think I've fixed it.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Sun Aug 17, 2014 1:13 pm

I still stand by my plagiarism comment for both sheets mainly because of sentence structure and vocabulary. It's very good writing but for my decision to change, I'm afraid for me, I will need a different RP Sample.

Changes pending approval:
Change Organization to "Unaffiliated"

More details in the following sections:
Clothing
Weaponry
Abilities
Personality
Biography
New RP Sample

As it stands, my vote is...

Approvals 0
Disapprovals 1


Again, nothing personal.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Tue Aug 19, 2014 12:48 pm

Phoeberia wrote:
I've watched the Ovas thats for sure~ lol

Name: Gridrigor. {Gri}

Age: Looks to be about 30.

Gender: Male

Can I get an actual age? Nice drawing, by the way.

Amazing Drawings wrote:
Physical appearance: Stands close to 7ft, dark tone of skin, his eye color though will depend on his mood, they usually remain a copper and blue occasionally turning to red or purple depending on his level of hunger. He has jet black hair that goes down to his waist, he regularly keeps it braided or tied back and it isnt uncommon for him to have dark feathers in it. His build is quite bulky and hes been known to change height by a few inches when agitated or trying to intimidate someone. When threatened or angered hes known to fluff up abit, mainly bristling but with long hair it goes mostly unnoticed and his mood depends on his eye color. Or if he hits you or not.

Need some details on his face. Is his height change due to standing up straighter or standing on his tiptoe? Stuff like that would be great!

Beautiful Face wrote:
Clothing of choice: He avoids wearing shoes the best he can, he prefers to have his feet exposed to the ground and expresses, if asked, that it helps him move around easier and quicker. Though for decency sake, he wears a shirt and jeans, there's no real specific type of clothing he prefers, just nothing constricting around his torso.


Maybe just a description on his shirt and jeans? Does he only ever wear one pair so it's all ripped? Where does he keep his chain weapon?

Bag of Holding wrote:
Weaponry of choice: He isnt overly fond of using weapons, he usually tries to avoid fighting, but if it comes up, he carries with him a spiked chain. Hes not fond of using guns or them being near him, but if he had to his keen eyes allow him some help with precision shots. {More or less a sniper.}

You're putting yourself at a huge disadvantage. He's got great eyesight, I suggest a rifle. Up to you though. How long is that chain?

Infinity Blades wrote:
Race: Special human?

Abilities: {Energy and how its gained and lost:} With him and his brothers, their abilities vary but all count on the amount of power they carry with them. As for Gri he is known for more brute force than anything. while in other places he and his brothers were compared to gods they never accepted this title, simply something given by ignorant humans who worshiped anything abnormal. Gri has alot of energy, but most of his abilities take a big chunk of it from him.

  • Traits: Depending on what abilities they possess, it is often that these brands of humans are more fit than the regular ones, even able to go up on par with a vampire, albeit the weaker sorts.
  • Flight: This takes energy over the time its used and can account for blood loss if he messes up. He has deep scars on his back over his shoulder blades, when and if he flies, they rip open, spreading out black wings, though in truth this is the blood that runs through his veins and while it can help get oxygen into his blood quicker, if this was disrupted and separated from him, its a large amount of blood loss.
  • Regeneration: While he can take shots without much trouble from low caliber weapons, it takes quite abit of energy for him to recover quickly from them. This leaves him to regularly try and end the fight as quickly as possible. If he was to take a heavy energy, he would have to retreat and sleep and/or feed. In which he is left very vulnerable.
  • Keen eyes: An inhanced since, each brother has their own unique, his are his eyes. Mainly vision at a distance, like any bird of prey. When focusing on a target, his eyes will regularly turn black and purple.


Can I perhaps get cooldown times in number of posts? Just how much blood does he have in his body? If the wings are as large as in getting from the reading, he'd lose half or more of his blood through severing them. Also, a limit in number of posts for the duration of fight. Also, what's the maximum distance that he could see a human sized target?

Blood packs wrote:
Organization: Unaffiliated

Personality: Gridrigor has only been 'alive' for about five years, his personality is regularly blank and hes steadily learning more about himself and how to act in different situations. Though this means many jokes may go over his head and he will give a more logical explination for something. Otherwise hes a stern person except for if hes around children, he becomes quite kind hearted and gentle. He preffers kids and animals to adults, less judgmental as far as hes concerned.

Rank: N/A not sure if hes part of anything, hes steadily learning the laws of this place.

Biography: Gridrigor and his brothers surfaced a couple of years back, though he was separated from them due to an attack on their fathers and grandfather. During this they lost a large amount of their original strength. He spend his time tracking his brothers down, but it is not a priority to him either. Hes knowledgable in the basis of the world around him only from the memories given to him from his birth. hes found little reason to question it though over the year and just lives one day after another. Though steadily finds himself worrying over his brothers and why they themselves have yet to find him.

His hope in finding his brothers though is to retrieve their grandfather and head home. Though this is not an uncommon event for the trio to go through and deal with aswell. Their quite open with what all has happened, though to a degree. Gri keeps the situation of their arrival under wraps to strangers due to getting caught up in more distraction or worse be found by their half brother who intends to cause them more grief.

Organization and Rank works. I'd like a bit more on the personality and Bio. "Alive" for only five years? Where'd he come from? Stuff like that. When the personality tells a bit more history than the bio means that the Bio needs more details. Just a heads up.

RP Sample:
 

I believe that's the RP Sample you did with your friend? Looks like an RP sample to me.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Sun Aug 24, 2014 8:17 am

What's going on with this? You agreed to that PF with me so I squeaked out a post and now it's been a week and you still haven't posted. Sorry to do it but I'm placing a timer. If this isn't ready for voting in a week, I'm disapproving it for inactivity.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Tue Sep 02, 2014 6:00 pm

Alright kiddo. It's been a week since the timer and two weeks since I started the PF and I've seen nothing from you. I was willing to work with you even though I suspected plagiarism and this is only confirming my suspicions. This is now disapproved for inactivity and I'm disapproving it now in general in case you request it be revisited. Sorry but you had your chance and you wasted it.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Wed Nov 19, 2014 11:39 pm

So, I'm guessing a lack of the computer was the reason for inactivity, [and the lack of that PF completion] Sooo, I'll move this back to the registry.

Maybe you could elaborate a bit and help us out, Phoeberia?

Good to see you've returned, here's your sheet to keep working on. Needs a PF or for you to write up an RP sample.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Sat Nov 22, 2014 2:04 pm

My vote still stands.

Approvals 0
Disapprovals 1
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Sun Nov 23, 2014 3:17 am

I understand not having a computer. If you do RP on here though it would be nice to get notification in case you can't be on for any reason.

Approvals: 1

Disapprovals: 1
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Sun Nov 23, 2014 6:50 am

As this ain't been edited quite yet, I'll hold my vote for a bit longer.

No edits... so for now, on the basis of the potential exploitation of those abilities...

Approvals: 1
Disapprovals: 2

Add in those edits and I'll change my vote over, however.
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PostSubject: Re: The Raven - Gridrigor   Thu Nov 27, 2014 1:43 am

I really don't like having to disapprove sheets because of the effort that others put into making the character but my colleague has brought up some major points that I potentially overlooked. Until edits are made, I sadly cannot give my stamp of approval.

Approvals: 1
Disapprovals: 3
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