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 Cainel Struvok (Finished)

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PostSubject: Cainel Struvok (Finished)   Sun Sep 08, 2013 5:33 pm

I have seen the Hellsing Ultimate anime ( 1-8 ) and read the manga ( 9-10 )
*I'm still waiting for the English dubs 9 and 10, but I read them anyway*

I'm fairly new to this, in fact I've never even been on another RP forum. Please tell me if I screw up, if something I wrote is not allowed, or give me tips if you feel it's needed. ^ ^

Name: Cainel Struvok or Mechwulf

Age: 26

Gender: Female

Physical appearance: Cainel isn't a very tall person; (6'3) but this changes when she turns into her lycanthropic form. (8'2) Her eyes are a icy moon-grey color, and her hair is brown, cut at a short, spiky length. Her diet consists of raw meat, coffee, and sometimes various alcoholic drinks. Therefore, she tends to be either barely underweight or verging on perfectly healthy.  

Clothing of choice: Cainel's torso is covered by a leather busier, with two straps crossing over her chest. This garment begins at about her shoulders, and stops at about over her stomach. The rest of her stomach and her neck is covered by fishnets. Her head has a pair of goggles on them, specifically for technological use. Nearly all the time she covers her arms with a very loose-fitting trenchcoat, which is held on by a gold chain around her neck. She wears a typical pair of blue jeans, which always have holes in them, about at the knees or one to two inches higher or lower. Cainel always wears combat boots, and can sometimes be seen smoking a cigar.

Weaponry of choice: Any form of firearm she can get her hands on, or herself.

Race: Lycanthrope

Abilities:  Iron-like skin, great weakness to blessed and silver weaponry (fatal), regeneration (takes up to 7 posts max to regenerate major wound damage such as limb loss), large super strength, agility, stamina, reflexes, durability and senses, ability to transform into a Lycanthrope (humanoid wolf form, feral form), the ability to transform back into a human, ability to change body parts into mist substance for battle (minor endurance to vampire shadows).
*Yes, I did copy and paste this from the Races page. Again, please tell me if this is not allowed.*

Organization: Millenium

Personality: She tends to be a loud sort of person when she fights, going in guns blazing. Sometimes, however, if her current mission requires it, she can be very stealthy and equally deadly. She is anything but a strategist, and is more in favor of fighting or doing things more on her own terms. However, she is excellent with technology and computers, making her a valuable asset on and off the battlefield. Outside of combat she is somewhat quiet, and can have random flashes of anger, (she's got a short temper) followed by sentence after sentence of swearing. She isn't the social type, due to years of being an orphan. She's not very romantic either, but if her job needs her to be, she can make a few exceptions.  

Rank: Mercenary

Biography: Cainel was born in a heavily forested area a few miles outside of Bulanesh, Russia. She was a happy young girl for a while. When she was at the age of four, her parents were slaughtered by a monster now known to her as a Lycanthrope. At the end of the night she killed the beast herself, via silver butcher knife. As a result of the attack, she has a large gash going from her left shoulder to her right hip, along with other various wounds. All these bites and scratches meant she carried along the Lycanthropic gene. She left the house and the smoldering bodies of her parents and the werewolf, hoping to leave behind the haunted memory.

From age seven to age twelve, she roamed the forests and caves within a few miles of cities, getting even more used to her new power. With the ferocity she experienced at a young age, she quickly became a bloodthirsty hunter, taking care to show no mercy when she killed her prey; be it animal or man.
At age 15, she entered the mercenary business, and made a name for herself (quite literally) overnight. She became known to most mercenaries as Mechwulf, due to her exceptional skill with technology. She is not someone you want to get the bad side of, or she might very well kill you after receiving her payment. To some she might be considered a prodigy, to others a weapon of mass destrution. At age 17, she began working for various militas and rebel groups, which lead her to Millenium. She worked off and on for them for a while. Eventually leaving them, and later, returning at age 20. She now works for them with the promise of enough money for her to build chemical weaponry for her own purposes.  

RP sample:
“What the hell’s going on?!”
A frantic voice demanded. Cainel sighed, but did as she was told. It’s not like she could go up against at least a dozen armed guards, let alone the rest of the squads outside…
Well…
Let’s just let them keep thinking that.
“My name is Cainel Struvok.” She said; hand on her hip as she walked around the tied bundle of very ‘important’ men and women in the small room. “And I’m here to kill each and every one of you fucks.” She laughed a bit. “Did ya hear me that time..?” she asked snarkily, her expression a smug smile as she reached into her trenchcoat pocket. “I mean, honestly. You’d think that the fuckin’ militia would have dragged you off to hell by now…” She chuckled, pulling a cigar and a lighter out and taking a long drag. “And I’ll be damned if they haven’t given me the liberty of doing just that...” Her hand still in her pocket, she pushed the small button in the center of her palm. A few squeals and grunts of pain echoed around the room. “Certainly stings a bit, don’t it? Electromagnetic signals don’t just hurt; they liquefy your goddamn brains...” She growled, cigar in her mouth as she pulled her hand away from it. “You know, this would have been a lot easier if you’d paid me on time and WHEN I ASKED.” Snarling, she got up close and personal to one of her victims. What could she say? She liked playing with her food.
“Is that really what all of this is about!?” A cry came from one of the few women in this ‘ever-so-highly-prized’ group of lairs. The woman shuffled around a bit, and then a few wads of paper, hundreds, Cainel thought, flew her way. “Here! T-Take it and go!” She sighed. “Ya see, that’s the thing about me…”  Sauntering around the room a bit more, she kneeled down to the female’s level. “I don’t just take the money and run…” She began as she felt her fangs and claws elongating. “I do a little something different. Something extra special. Why do you think I’m one of the go-to chicks in the merc business..?” Cainel clamped her jaws around her neck, severing air flow and replacing it with hot, crimson liquid. Man it tasted good… Shame she wouldn’t know what type it was. (Hell, she wasn’t a vampire) “When I don’t get my money, I KILL you.” She muttered, letting go as a lifeless head fell sideways. “Anyone else..?”  she asked; licking her lips and making sure her fangs slightly gleamed with the stuff.
The room was silent, save for a few gasps of horror.
Cainel smiled; her bloodlust fading. “Good!” she said with a cheery smile, clapping her hands together. Walking over to one of the few desks in the next room, she pulled out the bottom drawer and started filling her pockets with bills as screams and zapping noises from the other room filled her ears.

Just another day on the job…
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PostSubject: Re: Cainel Struvok (Finished)   Mon Sep 09, 2013 9:33 pm

Cainel wrote:
I have seen the Hellsing Ultimate anime ( 1-8 ) and read the manga ( 9-10 )
*I'm still waiting for the English dubs 9 and 10, but I read them anyway*

I'm fairly new to this, in fact I've never even been on another RP forum. Please tell me if I screw up, if something I wrote is not allowed, or give me tips if you feel it's needed. ^ ^
Indeed.

Stuffy McStuffington wrote:
Name: Cainel Struvok or Mechwulf
The alias may have worked for the original idea behind this character, but now it doesn't make any sense. If you really want to keep it, then that's your deal, but it just isn't relevant anymore.

Star Trek wrote:
Age: 26

Gender: Female
Stuff.

Neck cracking wrote:
Physical appearance: Cainel isn't a very tall person; (6'3) but this changes when she turns into her lycanthropic form. (8'2) Her eyes are a icy moon-grey color, and her hair is brown, cut at a short, spiky length. Her diet consists of raw meat, coffee, and sometimes various alcoholic drinks. Therefore, she tends to be either barely underweight or verging on perfectly healthy.
6'3'' is pretty damn tall, especially for a girl. You have no real description outside of height and eye color. That's also not how a healthy diet works. Werewolves are still human for about 28 days of the month, so they need more than raw meat and booze to survive. She's going to be severally underweight with vitamin and mineral deficiency.

Flintstones chewable vitamins wrote:
Clothing of choice: Cainel's torso is covered by a leather busier, with two straps crossing over her chest. This garment begins at about her shoulders, and stops at about over her stomach. The rest of her stomach and her neck is covered by fishnets. Her head has a pair of goggles on them, specifically for technological use. Nearly all the time she covers her arms with a very loose-fitting trenchcoat, which is held on by a gold chain around her neck. She wears a typical pair of blue jeans, which always have holes in them, about at the knees or one to two inches higher or lower. Cainel always wears combat boots, and can sometimes be seen smoking a cigar.
Nothing too weird.

Real men wear leather wrote:
Weaponry of choice: Any form of firearm she can get her hands on, or herself.
Going to need more than that. Guns aren't just generally laying around like in Silent Hill. If she doesn't carry any weapons, just say so.

No guns wrote:
Race: Lycanthrope
Highest you can start is Youngling.

Bob's Burgers wrote:
Abilities:  Iron-like skin, great weakness to blessed and silver weaponry (fatal), regeneration (takes up to 7 posts max to regenerate major wound damage such as limb loss), large super strength, agility, stamina, reflexes, durability and senses, ability to transform into a Lycanthrope (humanoid wolf form, feral form), the ability to transform back into a human, ability to change body parts into mist substance for battle (minor endurance to vampire shadows).
*Yes, I did copy and paste this from the Races page. Again, please tell me if this is not allowed.*
That's exactly what we want. Same problem with the race, though, in that you're starting too high. We also want you to list what your character's unique abilities are. If they aren't listed, then you can basically go, "Now I'm a writer! Now I'm a mimic! Now I'm a truck driver! Now I'm a ballerina! Now I'm a hairdresser!"

Pre-Crisis Superman wrote:
Organization: Millenium
I'll get into this down the line.

Nazis wrote:
Personality: She tends to be a loud sort of person when she fights, going in guns blazing. Sometimes, however, if her current mission requires it, she can be very stealthy and equally deadly. She is anything but a strategist, and is more in favor of fighting or doing things more on her own terms. However, she is excellent with technology and computers, making her a valuable asset on and off the battlefield. Outside of combat she is somewhat quiet, and can have random flashes of anger, (she's got a short temper) followed by sentence after sentence of swearing. She isn't the social type, due to years of being an orphan. She's not very romantic either, but if her job needs her to be, she can make a few exceptions.
Parts of this I'll address when the biography comes up, but the bit about computers would be an ability. This is too short, though, and I'd like to see more. Your personality is the most important part of your character, next to the history. I want to know more about how this person is a person.

People wrote:
Rank: Mercenary
Saving it for biography.

We're here wrote:
Biography: Cainel was born in a heavily forested area a few miles outside of Bulanesh, Russia. She was a happy young girl for a while. When she was at the age of four, her parents were slaughtered by a monster now known to her as a Lycanthrope. At the end of the night she killed the beast herself, via silver butcher knife. As a result of the attack, she has a large gash going from her left shoulder to her right hip, along with other various wounds. All these bites and scratches meant she carried along the Lycanthropic gene. She left the house and the smoldering bodies of her parents and the werewolf, hoping to leave behind the haunted memory.
So, this fell apart fast. Ignoring the fact this werewolf comes out of thin air, you're telling me that a four year old (still hasn't fine tuned her motor skills, speech, and all that) managed to kill the thing that murdered two adults with a silver knife (that everyone has in their house, because reasons), then burns everything down and walks away Elric Brothers style? This doesn't work. The dog would eat you, and there's no possible way a small child could kill a creature that casually dodges bullets and can fight with vampire.

WOOF wrote:
From age seven to age twelve, she roamed the forests and caves within a few miles of cities, getting even more used to her new power. With the ferocity she experienced at a young age, she quickly became a bloodthirsty hunter, taking care to show no mercy when she killed her prey; be it animal or man.
You just skipped three years. What did she do in that amount of time to where she only NOW starts to explore the area around her? Even with werewolf powers (Cub level, by the way), a child isn't going to be that dangerous. At best, I can see her hunting small critters in the woods and going feral. If she killed a person, there'd probably be a hunt for her. This is assuming she doesn't starve to death or die from frostbite, exposure, sickness, or any of the other blights that could befall a little girl left alone in the woods (remember that she can only turn on the full moon, so she's still a little girl for the majority of the year).

Stuff wrote:
At age 15, she entered the mercenary business, and made a name for herself (quite literally) overnight. She became known to most mercenaries as Mechwulf, due to her exceptional skill with technology. She is not someone you want to get the bad side of, or she might very well kill you after receiving her payment. To some she might be considered a prodigy, to others a weapon of mass destrution. At age 17, she began working for various militas and rebel groups, which lead her to Millenium. She worked off and on for them for a while. Eventually leaving them, and later, returning at age 20. She now works for them with the promise of enough money for her to build chemical weaponry for her own purposes.
This is where stuff gets really bad. People can't just decide to become contract killers. Pip's family is a legacy of mercenaries, who train their offspring in battle so they can take over once they die. A feral child who crawled out of the woods doesn't have the resources or training to do this. Why would she want to, anyway (again, personality needs some boosting).

What does it mean "literally" overnight? She goes out and kills a guy one night, and suddenly she's the talk of the underworld? Kind of not how it works. Where did she learn technology when she's hunting in the woods and living in caves since she was a toddler? Killing your clients isn't a great way to make a name for yourself, either. Pretty damn terrible, actually, since no one is going to hire you if they think you could just turn on them for no reason at all.

She is not working with Millennium. For one, she's Russian, which would clash with their whole, "We're Nazis, and Germany is the superior people, especially compared to those Russians that kicked out asses back then who we still hate with a passion." Millennium also doesn't hire mercenaries; they hire cannon fodder. Jan and Luke weren't sent into Hellsing with the realistic expectation of killing Integra and Alucard. Major hired them because he wanted someone to make their existence known to England, and then be killed. If they were to hire you, it would be for a suicide mission which you would have died from.

Lastly, why does she want chemical weapons? There's no reason for a mercenary to be carrying this stuff around.

The End wrote:
RP sample:
“What the hell’s going on?!”
A frantic voice demanded. Cainel sighed, but did as she was told. It’s not like she could go up against at least a dozen armed guards, let alone the rest of the squads outside…
Well…
Let’s just let them keep thinking that.
“My name is Cainel Struvok.” She said; hand on her hip as she walked around the tied bundle of very ‘important’ men and women in the small room. “And I’m here to kill each and every one of you fucks.” She laughed a bit. “Did ya hear me that time..?” she asked snarkily, her expression a smug smile as she reached into her trenchcoat pocket. “I mean, honestly. You’d think that the fuckin’ militia would have dragged you off to hell by now…” She chuckled, pulling a cigar and a lighter out and taking a long drag. “And I’ll be damned if they haven’t given me the liberty of doing just that...” Her hand still in her pocket, she pushed the small button in the center of her palm. A few squeals and grunts of pain echoed around the room. “Certainly stings a bit, don’t it? Electromagnetic signals don’t just hurt; they liquefy your goddamn brains...” She growled, cigar in her mouth as she pulled her hand away from it. “You know, this would have been a lot easier if you’d paid me on time and WHEN I ASKED.” Snarling, she got up close and personal to one of her victims. What could she say? She liked playing with her food.
“Is that really what all of this is about!?” A cry came from one of the few women in this ‘ever-so-highly-prized’ group of lairs. The woman shuffled around a bit, and then a few wads of paper, hundreds, Cainel thought, flew her way. “Here! T-Take it and go!” She sighed. “Ya see, that’s the thing about me…”  Sauntering around the room a bit more, she kneeled down to the female’s level. “I don’t just take the money and run…” She began as she felt her fangs and claws elongating. “I do a little something different. Something extra special. Why do you think I’m one of the go-to chicks in the merc business..?” Cainel clamped her jaws around her neck, severing air flow and replacing it with hot, crimson liquid. Man it tasted good… Shame she wouldn’t know what type it was. (Hell, she wasn’t a vampire) “When I don’t get my money, I KILL you.” She muttered, letting go as a lifeless head fell sideways. “Anyone else..?”  she asked; licking her lips and making sure her fangs slightly gleamed with the stuff.
The room was silent, save for a few gasps of horror.
Cainel smiled; her bloodlust fading. “Good!” she said with a cheery smile, clapping her hands together. Walking over to one of the few desks in the next room, she pulled out the bottom drawer and started filling her pockets with bills as screams and zapping noises from the other room filled her ears.

Just another day on the job…
The sample is passable, but I'd have to warn against loudly announcing your name to everyone you meet. That's a great way to get the police on your (literal) tail.
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PostSubject: Re: Cainel Struvok (Finished)   Wed Sep 11, 2013 6:39 am

Alright. ^ ^ I'll keep those in mind. This is my first time doing remotely anything related to a forum, so this will help for future posts (if i make any). I'll see if I can take this down and maybe some time later make it again but to where I change it to the specifications listed.
Thanks again.
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PostSubject: Re: Cainel Struvok (Finished)   Wed Sep 11, 2013 11:32 am

Just edit this one. When it's up to par, then it can get approved.
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