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 Dissonance

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PostSubject: Dissonance   Sun Aug 04, 2013 6:36 am

Hey people. This is a side project I'm working on and I just want to get a few opinions so please tell me what you think. Each one of these is a separate personality that is in the story and I mainly want to get any feelings or assumptions that you make based on the imagery provided. Before anyone says anything, I know that the imagery is vague and possibly misleading. I intentionally wrote it that way so you would draw your own opinions and conclusions

Pete- Chapter 2
 
 The rain blew hard and stiff, stinging against the warmth of his face as light after light passed him by. His legs felt like they would give out from the sheer ferocity at which he had tried to get away. His mind raced even faster than his feet at what the future might hold and the severity of the situation was not lost on his prepubescent mind. The events that led up to this moment were like a dead weight dragging him down and inspiring him to find shelter more than the tumult ever could. Ice crunched beneath his feet as the pavement gave way to more of its kind and a monument of a hill loomed in the distance. Ringing in his ears set a feeling of unrest as though the truth might have been discovered. The red that raged in his brilliant brown eyes, a direct contrast to the darkening purple, were a testament to the road already traveled. The wind picked up on this cold winter's night as he reached the top of the hill and gazed at the next part of his journey.

Before him, one of the many “wonders” brought forth from the art of industry. A hulking interstate, bereft of emotion and derelict of light save for a few sources which seemed completely suspended in midair and disappeared almost as fast they originated, all hovering what once was a symbol of all that represented nature and free thought, ever flowing and endless, an ideal of all that was before creation took another turn, a smooth icy lake. The beauty that rang through it's origin was marred by the hulk that stood, a vanquisher towering over it. With such a look of contempt, the youth glowered at the uncaring monstrosity and grudgingly soldiered forward, icy grass crunching underneath his footsteps as he made his way toward what would probably be both his avenue of shelter and salvation, but also of captivity and servitude. With a groan, he made his way forward down toward one of the highway's many on ramps, eager to get away from everything that sat before.

As he stepped, images of the day's events kept rushing to his head. The candles, the smell of food, the balloons, her words of encouragement, all of the red decorations. It all happened so fast, the screams of excitement, the carving of the cake, the warm embraces from bodies without faces. He wasn't sure what exactly he was supposed to have done to deserve all the he had gotten. It seemed like everything before surely didn't warrant such a warm reception. He loved all of it like a smothered warm blanket which distracted him from his current surroundings. It was with that remembrance that his pace quickened and hurried him toward his avenue of escape. Her smile, that hug he hadn't known for 5 years, her shocked face when he told her the news, it was all enough to make his mind overflow with emotion. It was all so hard to believe that they had told him what “had to happen”. She couldn't have possibly predicted that the person who was so close to her had given her the present she received that evening. To unwrap it and hold it so close like a cherished memory so close to her heart was more than what he could ever have expected.

Before all of it this, all he could remember was white, the white paper and white clothes, the white icing and white words with their many shortcomings. All because of a picture, that single avenue of expression had cost him so much and yet taught him a great many things including the value and beauty of what it meant to show one's own true feelings. For such a great cost, he couldn't have experienced anything better than what he had received. It was icing on the cake that signified his return with a changed mind and enlightened outcome. He couldn't wait to see the man's face when he reported such a success. It would surely have been a long walk but he was confident that with a little luck, the time would pass just as quick. And after all, it had worked, he now had made it to the freeway and was now passing down the sides of the road quick to make his way out, thumb held out hoping for some honest resonance.

He must have been traveling for near a half hour without much success. It was amazing how so many wouldn't lift a finger, regardless of his young age. It was enough to almost make him bitter but no matter, he would persevere and prove them wrong. The cogs were beginning to freeze up in his brain from the mindless repetition and even the exit signs letting him know of his progress soon did not change his frigid demeanor. What he wouldn't give for just a touch of warmth? To taste the almost chemical air of a space heater, another warm embrace for a job well done. Another car came zooming past and almost clipped him. He was beginning to get desperate and it was just at that moment that a bit a of light started to make its way in. The snow lifted and shone through with a warm brilliance for just a brief moment, enough to briefly steel his nerves before cloud covered him again in shadow.

It wasn't then til he heard the voice. It sounded almost friendly and caring. He turned to his left to see the headlights of an old pickup truck and hear the sweet calls of a caring woman. She beckoned him into the truck and made small talk trying to understand what had him out in the middle of nowhere. Sure, it was filled with the ash of what seemed a great many cigarettes and a few beer bottles but most importantly, it was warm. Though he was careful not to regale too much, it was comforting to know that someone took pity on another. He therefore confided in her his success. The grand feat he had achieved this evening. And what a beautiful story it was. At the end, his audience sat breathless, mouth agape in awe. They both shared in the moment with a tender reverie basking in the red shelter. She had asked where he was going and obliged to take him as far as he needed even offering him to change seating that he might be more comfortable while they traveled. With a moment's adjustment and a foot on the accelerator, they were off and it truly seemed like they were making record time.


Last edited by Artisto on Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:32 pm; edited 3 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Dissonance   Tue Aug 06, 2013 5:20 am

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Utsu
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Age : 17
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PostSubject: Re: Dissonance   Tue Aug 13, 2013 2:34 pm

I have no idea what just happened, but I like it. great writing skills :-)
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PostSubject: Re: Dissonance   Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:34 pm

Alright. I added a tiny bit more that I have edited. I won't give everything to this unfortunately because I'm going to be submitting it for publication and again, it's just one character but hopefully everyone likes the parts I feel confident with.
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