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 Damian A. Bran

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PostSubject: Damian A. Bran   Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:08 pm

Ep. 8

Name: Damian A. Bran (The Exorcist)

Age: 27

Gender: Male

Physical appearance: Damian stands around Five foot five. He's not well toned and rather wimpy looking. His chest isn't chiseled but his eyes are a gentle blue. His hair is super blonde, rough, and laid in a shaggy manor. His face is well framed by his rugged cap of hair. Though he's quite uninteresting aside from that.

Clothing of choice: Damian likes to wear a Butler's uniform. He bears a black vest buttoned at the front. He also bears cleanly done white gloves upon his hands. Under his vest is a nearly silken smooth white button up shirt. His pants are a black dress pants. His shoes, of course, are dark black cap-toe lace-up Oxfords. The vest has a single pocket on his top left.

Weaponry of choice: Damian uses his surroundings as his weapon as no weapon can stand up to his immense strength at this time.

Race: Special Human

Abilities: The ONLY ability of this person is raw unadulterated "large supernatural strength." Being able to rival that of a Vampire's strength, he can lift cars, Punch holes in solid concrete constructs, tear Guard rails from their posts, and uproot fairly large trees. Damian can preform this act of strength because he has unrestrained Muscle control.

Damian has no other extraordinary abilities. But he can still do normal things such as cook and so forth.

Organization: Iscariot

Personality: Damian was specialized in focusing on purging the world of the undead blasphemous createns that shape the earth. He was taught to pity the undead Vampires and the like. He was never taught to hate. He does not hate, but he knows that it is necessary to purge the land of demons. He's quite the interesting being to say the least. His first and foremost thoughts are of the purge where as his second foremost thoughts are to those that are in need. Such as the bright young children of the Anderson Orphanage.

Being as he was pretty much taught by Iscariot and forced to read their Bible so many times, he often acts as Anderson does and quotes different passages that may not even mean a thing to the current battle but may Prelude to a future event in which shall happen. Of course, that is the way Iron works. However, as odd as it was, he attempts to NOT do that, but at some points his compulsion to quote biblical scripture is just too much, and thus, he will blurt it out in a ranting rave that just explodes from his mouth like wildfire from a demon's tongue. Damian is quite fond of the Butler uniform. Other then that, he has no real reason for wearing it. He just really REALLY likes it.

Rank: Paladin (Preferred being called Exorcist)

Biography:
Damian was born to a humble family. But, all hope was not lost. After his family died in a horrible Pogo-accident he was picked up by the Anderson Orphanage for reasons Damian does not know.

But of course, the reasons were that his family were devout to the Cause and, be that as it may, he had powers that they believed God gifted to Iscariot. His life from there was suppose to be simple and uneventful. However, as life would have it, he became entwined in to the life that even Anderson lived. Because of his "gift" of genetics, Iscariot felt he was too much of an opportunity to pass up. A young child ready to be molded in their perfect image that THE LORD HIMSELF HAD SENT DOWN UPON THEM! OH HAVE MERCY ON THE SOULS OF THE DAMNED FOR THE LORD HAST SENT ISCARIOT ANOTHER SOLDER IN THE WAR OF THE createns!

Alas, Iscariot took the time to teach this boy their way. Eventually, he finished their tests and training to be inducted in to the program as a Purger. Though he hasn't received a proper name yet, he is one of the great Purgers that Iscariot employs with faith. Of course it wouldn't be fair if he was allowed to do so with out restrictions. As such, he was restricted to using strength beyond normal human standards only when provoked by an Entity of undead beasts.

RP sample:
Relaxation post:
 

Fight post:
 

random conversation that has no precedence to happen(dialogue only):
 


Last edited by Damian A. Bran on Sat Apr 06, 2013 2:35 pm; edited 7 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:46 pm

Are you saying you've seen up to episode 8?

I can't help feeling both the appearance and clothing is too short, even though it seems to cover everything important.

Even if he doesn't use any special weapons, you still have to say what he does carry, if anything.

Aside from Hulk Smash, what else can he do? Also, I have no idea what a Titan is supposed to be. From Arkham Asylum? From Greek myth? From the fabled three day constipation? Use the race guide to draw a comparison between his strength and something else.

You say he was taught to hate vampires, but then say he wasn't taught to hate. Personality is too short in general, too. Why does he act the way he does? Why does he dress like a butler (assuming he's not really a butler)? Why does he care for those in need?

Most people just use Paladin as a rank if they intend to go out hunting.

Holy balls, that biography is too short. How did his family die? Did everyone related to him spontaneously have a heart attack at the same time? Did the Brick the Magical Wonder Hound fly into them and turn them into candy? Did a volcano explode on them when they went on vacation?

Even if he doesn't know the reason, we still need to know why the orphanage adopted him. It could be as simple as he was in the area.

"It just happens," isn't an acceptable answer for his power. There needs to be some reason as to why he can go around doing this



to people.

Expound on his training. Not everyone gets to become an Iscariot agent just because they live at the orphanage. Why did they deem him worthy of training? Why does he feel the need to limit himself against normal people (could probably put that in personality).

Both samples are too short and neither contains conversation. I'm also going to have to say slamming your fist into the ground, no matter how strong you are, isn't going to make a large shockwave. Maybe, like, an inch around you, if that.

Overall, this is very short and needs a lot of description. It isn't too bad, though, and will most likely get through once you add to it.
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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Sat Apr 06, 2013 9:40 am

Mr. Maxwell wrote:

(Has to be at least 2 paragraphs long. Must outline how you lived and how you came to become what you are today, not everyone was born a vampire or werewolf, so you must say your origins, and neither can you be born into an organization just like that, unless you were raised in Anderson's orphanage, but then that'll be an entirely different story.)

2 Paragraphs, it is, 2 paragraphs.

Mr. Maxwell wrote:

Physical appearance: (Self-descriptive; height, eye color, hair color, weight, build, etc. Please be creative.)

Clothing of choice: (What your character normally wears... or not wear at all. Doesn't have to be long in description.)

Personality: (How does your character feel? Act? Socialize? React to battle? Be descriptive about this.)

No Pre-set length posted and I did cover everything. He has no extraordinary marks that distinguish him from normal humans.



And lastly, My rp sample is how I rp. I can add in Dialog, sure, but you can not tell me how I do and do not rp.


Mr. Smith wrote:

You say he was taught to hate vampires, but then say he wasn't taught to hate. Personality is too short in general, too. Why does he act the way he does? Why does he dress like a butler (assuming he's not really a butler)? Why does he care for those in need?

I never said he hated vampires. At least I didn't intend to. As he does not hate vampires. He simply feels pity on them for being what they are, and as such, he makes it his duty to, Under Iscariot's orders, To purge them of their sins so they may be uplifted in their true and rightful place, in to Hell's domain.


Mr. Maxwell wrote:

Special humans: Humans who have gained powers through supernatural means to turn into this state. Often through genetic experimentation or some freak accident, even hereditary genes passed down. These humans are hailed as special due to the unique aspects that dubs them as supernatural, yet they are still human.
Traits: Depending on what abilities they possess, it is often that these brands of humans are more fit than the regular ones, even able to go up on par with a vampire, albeit the weaker sorts.

This honestly doesn't say jack about the extent of powers. And I explained that to have such strength, he has no other outstanding powers or features. As that would be quite unfair. Otherwise, I'd pop him with the same level endurance. But that would just make him OP. However I can try to, Re-define his powers explanation a bit. Perhaps outline exactly where he is in the strength chain. But don't be weary if I seem too strong, as I do sacrifice any other extraordinary powers just for this simple power.
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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Sat Apr 06, 2013 9:57 am

Andddddddddddddd updated
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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Sat Apr 06, 2013 12:16 pm

I'm going to tell you right now to get your attitude in check. It's not going to get you where you want to go.

The problem of your history is that it has a ton of holes. That's why it's too short. First, he's a child who got his parents killed. Then, he's in the orphanage being trained for field work. Then, he's an adult out in the field. Also, those suggestions were a joke; I didn't mean that he should be plotted against by a magical entity that doesn't exist with the help of a volcano in Random Town, Hishomeplace.

Already said that there's nothing wrong with the physical descriptions, just that it seems lacking in some way.

Actually, I have every right to comment on your roleplaying. The samples are too short. We don't get a feel as to how your character behaves or how you play him. That's also not a conversation; that's you talking to yourself. Conversation is two or more people speaking to each other.

You wrote that he was taught to hate them, but you've changed it now, so it's no longer contradictory. I still have questions about him, though, like the butler uniform and why he decides to hold back against regular people.

No one's worried that you're too strong. I just have no idea what a "Titan" is supposed to be. That's why I recommended that you compare it to another race. It's simple and draws a clear comparison as to how strong you are.

I asked what else he could do besides a super power. He doesn't have to fly or shoot lasers. Is he a good shot? Does he tap dance? Can he cook? Right now, all he's able to do is punch things really hard.

There's still no explanation for his strength. Explanation is what gets you the special powers you want. If someone wants their character to create rockets and teleport in a blast of slime, they need to explain why they can do this. If they can come up with real reasoning to it, we can approve it.
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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Sat Apr 06, 2013 12:57 pm

John wrote:

I'm going to tell you right now to get your attitude in check. It's not going to get you where you want to go.

lawl. I don't have an attitude. And I am astonished that you can even get a feeling of attitude from text. I'm sorry that you feel that I have offended you by simply stating text on a post. Why you want me to be angry at you is beyond me, truly is.

John wrote:

The problem of your history is that it has a ton of holes. That's why it's too short. First, he's a child who got his parents killed. Then, he's in the orphanage being trained for field work. Then, he's an adult out in the field. Also, those suggestions were a joke; I didn't mean that he should be plotted against by a magical entity that doesn't exist with the help of a volcano in Random Town, Hishomeplace.

...you're the one who told me to put that. ~.~

John wrote:

Already said that there's nothing wrong with the physical descriptions, just that it seems lacking in some way.

I never said that you didnt' say that. I was Re-affirming what you said.

John wrote:

Actually, I have every right to comment on your roleplaying. The samples are too short. We don't get a feel as to how your character behaves or how you play him. That's also not a conversation; that's you talking to yourself. Conversation is two or more people speaking to each other.

I never said you couldn't comment. I simply told you, that you can not tell me how I do and do not rp. I mean, would you like it if I came along and simply said, 'Oh your post is too short because you'er not posting at the some standards as I am so I think your stupid.'

It's not very nice to say such things, which is why I wouldn't say it to you, and I expect the same courtesy for myself.

John wrote:

I still have questions about him, though, like the butler uniform and why he decides to hold back against regular people.

Well as for the butler uniform. Who knows. I'm sure i can finagle something. As for your other question, Well would YOU want him to go around punching normal people to death with immense strength?

John wrote:

I asked what else he could do besides a super power. He doesn't have to fly or shoot lasers. Is he a good shot? Does he tap dance? Can he cook? Right now, all he's able to do is punch things really hard.

I really don't think those are pertinent in his powers section.

John wrote:

There's still no explanation for his strength. Explanation is what gets you the special powers you want. If someone wants their character to create rockets and teleport in a blast of slime, they need to explain why they can do this. If they can come up with real reasoning to it, we can approve it.

I did explain it.



I mean if you don't want me to put something on my app then don't tell me to put it on there. It kind of confuses me when you do that. You told me to put something about a magic brick and this random hell hound thing with a Volcano. so I tried to make it fit.


I'm actually being quite nice here. I'm just trying to do this app and you're finding an argument where there is none. It's quite offending and I don't feel very welcome at the moment.
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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Sat Apr 06, 2013 1:13 pm

Quote :
lawl. I don't have an attitude. And I am astonished that you can even get a feeling of attitude from text. I'm sorry that you feel that I have offended you by simply stating text on a post. Why you want me to be angry at you is beyond me, truly is.



I did not tell you to do that. I gave joking examples as possible backstories for your character to represent how I know next to nothing about his history at that point.

Personally, I wouldn't much care if you said that, but that's just me. Even so, the fact reminds that your posts are too short. The sample, as I said before, is meant to show us how you play your character. I still have no idea how you intend to do that from what you've given us so far.

Fighting a human character is no less dangerous than fighting a supernatural character. Thinking they're weaker is putting you at a major disadvantage.

It's called Abilities for a reason, not Powers. If it's not on your sheet, your character can't do it (within reason). Whatever this guy is able to do, we want to know about it.

All I've seen as an explanation is, "God did it."
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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Sat Apr 06, 2013 1:19 pm

Does that fix everything? I'm fairly sure it does. If not, just please calmly let me know. I put in a bit of talking though I don't know why talking to a random person means anything -shrugs- But yeah, Fight, talking, and relaxation. x.x I think that covers it all.


EDIT:

No it's not bullshit and again, I'm quite offended that you're doing this. It really does annoy me greatly that you find me coming off as a dick when I'm not. You should never assume.


Anyway, No, I explained it that ISCARIOT says God did it. I did however give a good explination as to how he ACTUALLY has the powers.

And I'm talking humans that can't do anything. Killing them randomly with large strength, yeah, I'm sure Iscariot will find that super helpful lol

And wow, really? So you want me to put down ALL of the possible things he can even do. Are you sure abotu that? Because the app might get mighty long and may be misconstrued as being an ass once more.

If it's really what you want I shall do it. Now give me some time to fix this.


arigato
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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Sat Apr 06, 2013 2:31 pm

After writing the HUGE list of what he can do, I got bored with it, and deleted it. So yeah, there we go. Finished.
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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:50 pm

Couple things to discuss here my friend.

First off, I'd like a little more detail in the Physical Appearance section. A common mistake that most people make is not actually describing the face of their character. In this case, I know he's blond and has blue eyes but that isn't gonna cut it for a description. How heavy is this guy? What does his face look like? What ethnicity is he? It's a good start but I need some more meat on the bone here bud. Before I forget, the butler outfit is a bit odd but we've had Iscariots ignore the robes and clerics in the past so I don't really care all that much. Though I must admit I am a bit curious why a devout member of the clergy chooses to not wear the uniform.

Second, I think you might want to put a bit more detail into your abilities section. Speaking from experience, humans with unrestricted strength are an absolute blast to use. The trick that many don't pick up on is that just having the strength is counterproductive. Sure, your can chuck a car across a city block, but can your bones withstand the weight of it? Are your joints going to tear themselves apart exerting this power? If it helps any, I'd suggest checking out my crossover character Ladd Russo as an example of potential wording for super strength and the necessary passive abilities to sustain it.

The personality section is pretty solid as is but I'm interested to know a bit more about how he acts when he's not killing monsters. You mention that he cares about the innocent but is he a laid back dude? Is he an uptight butler type? Any sense of humor? You've done a wonderful job of telling us what he does and why but I'd like a little more so I can see who he is.

The bio is very very brief. Joking aside, I want to know about his childhood with his parents and how he reacted to the orphanage and Iscariot offer. More detail and information the better. On a similar note, I understand that rp samples can be a pain but what you've provided so far isn't gonna cut it. The social sample is no different from any interaction in a book. Setting, action, dialogue. It's simple stuff and you've definitely shown that you can do it if you want to, it's just a matter of sitting down and cranking it out. The little exchange at the end does not fit the bill. You'll need to incorporate a conversation of some sort into the social sample.

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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Sun May 05, 2013 1:39 am

Is this still being worked on?
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PostSubject: Re: Damian A. Bran   Wed May 22, 2013 8:06 am

LOCKED and BURNED due to inactivity.
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