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 Utsu WIP

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Utsu
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PostSubject: Utsu WIP   Wed Mar 27, 2013 1:11 pm

Have you seen the OVA or read the manga. If so how far?:Yes I have finished both completely

Name: Utsu (Japanese for raze meaning erase)

Age: seemingly 40 actually 144

Gender: male

Physical appearance: Utsu has long,straight,flowing,jet black hair down to his waist. Each eye is ominously different in colour, one piercing blue the other scarlet red. He towers at 7 feet tall dwarfing the average man. He is fit but not particularly bulky. He has the tell tale sharp canines showing that he is a vampire

Clothing of choice: samurai armour from the Edo period (1860s) even on the streets! This armour is a sort of modern tameshi gusoku (bullet tested armour) made with steel and kevlar padding. It is extremely heavy and greatly hinders movement, any non-vampire wouldn't be able to move. However this armour makes nearly all normal firearms completely useless. (Obviously won't work on power full explosive rounds or anti tank cannons or anything like that) it is black with a gold coloured trim and looks like traditional ō-yoroi style (what you see in cartoons movies etc) the armour was made by him because he discovered his current armour didn't work against modern weapons

Weapons of choice:. A katana a wakizashi (Japanese short sword) a 10 foot naginata (a long pole with a leaf shaped blade on the end) and a yari (7 foot lance used on horseback) when he's on horseback and a tanegashima (japanese matchlock)
Race: category D vampire

Abilities: normal category D skills and superior combat skills with close range weapons due to being a samurai

Organisation: none but would join hellsing or Iscariot if offered (though Iscariot would never offer)

Personality: Utsu is new to technology and has never been in a city before. He is kind,easily tricked and has a very strong sense of justice. He follows the samurai code of Bushido. In his eyes all vampires other than himself are evil and to be killed. (Despite how hypocritical that is). He will not listen to anything a vampire says. He has not encountered werewolves or any other supernatural beings and has thus not yet formed an opinion on them. He will help any non-vampire in danger through nearly any risk. He is confused in this new world and is still used to 19th century Japan in the Edo period of samurais.

Rank: no current organisation

Biography: Utsu was a Japanese samurai in the 1860s,Edo period. As a kid he was taught in the samurai arts and the code of Bushido. He learnt how to duel weild a katana and a wakizishi from a young age thus making him ambidextrous. He had training fights using real weapons and armour with his father but had never won. He was nothing special as samurai went and hadn't done anything particularly heroic except for being a samurai in the 1st place. When he was a young adult in his 20s he learnt how to use a naginata, a very useful weapon due to its long reach. At 35 he won his first practice fight against his father. When the 1st guns were invented. Japan had more guns then nearly any country and so Utsu trained his marksmanship. He could ride a horse and fight using a yari by the age of 40. Their family was very close until 1day.
His father had been a samurai but fled a battle,losing his honour. To redeem himself he committed seppuku, a form of ritual suicide done by dishonoured samurai that not only gives them back their honour but actually improves it. It is done by plunging a short sword into your abdomen and moving the blade left to right in a slicing motion to disembowel yourself. Said to be agonisingly painful samurai often asked someone to cut off their heads at the point of agony. Utsu was the one to do this for his own father.

One day in the midst of battle warriors were being felled by one girl only 20 years of age with no armour or weapons. Utsu blinked and she was there in front of him,another blink and Utsu felt a sharp pain as fangs sank into his neck. He tore her head off of his neck taking a chunk of flesh with it. He swung his katana at her but the vampire simply regenerated. Utsu was doomed until a group of warriors on his side all stabbed the vampire in the back. Utsu decapitated the vampire but the samurai saw the bloody mess on the side of his neck and knew he had been turned. They attacked him. They charged at him all at once. He used the new found vampiric strength in his leg and jumped above them fleeing. He found shelter in a small cave in which he slept and tended to his wound though that was hardly needed due to it's regeneration. A couple of days later Utsu took a boat to England with the misconception that he would turn into an evil monster and slaughter his family and friends due to his new race. In England he built a house of wood and lived their peacefully. He survived on animal blood without actually killing the animals. He went outside only to gather food. His house was outside a forest and though there was a city near by he never went there thinking that the sight of people would drive him to kill. He fought a few vampires that were on the outskirts of London. During this time he learned a few things about modern technology building the armour he now wears. He eventually started talking to humans and deemed himself capable of controlling himself and going to London. He has heard of vampire attacks in London, this he shall not let pass. He will hunt down each and every monster he comes across until the vampires are destroyed. He is coming to London to stalk the hunters of the night.
Rp sample: Utsu walked through London in the night thinking about the buildings that towered above him and the machines people used for transport. He was amazed to say the least. The world was full of what seemed to him like magic. Boxes with moving pictures, transport without horses,machines that washed things for you. It was amazing. His blissful thoughts were interrupted when in the corner of his vision he saw a man pull a lady into an alley way. He knew straight away that it was a vampire. The air of confidence, the quietness and quickness. "Filthy vampire scum" he thought to himself as his anger welled up inside of him. He walked quickly to the alleyway and tapped the vampire on the shoulder. "I can't let you do that" he said. The vampire drew a gun and pointed it at Utsus helmeted head. The trigger was pulled and Utsu sttod still. "Need I repeat myself?" He asked the anger in his voice showing as he drew his katana from its sheath. The vampire emptied the rest of the rounds bullets aiming for the samurais head,chest and limbs. Utsu slashed the vampires arm off and kicked him to the ground. "Die you vampire scum" he said cutting off another arm as blood spilt out. He cut the vampires stomach open. Watching the organs sprawl out and spat on the vampire. "Now you look more like the filth you really are" he said as he slowly bit his sword into the vampires neck until with a last push, he cut all the way through. The woman stood paralysed with fear. Utsu took his helmet of and looked at the woman with his mismatched eyes as if wondering what to do about her. "I'm sorry you had to see...that" he gestured at the bloody remains of the course. He left the woman without saying a word more.


Last edited by Utsu on Tue Apr 16, 2013 10:58 am; edited 17 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Tue Apr 02, 2013 5:29 pm

Ok, so my main concern is the very concept of your character.

Category D vampires I guess shouldn't be much older than a hundred years, and all who start as a vampire have to START at D. Yours is 184. Given how long ago Japan industrialized and junked the idea of samurai as soldiers which was probably between 1890 & 1900. Your character would have to be AT LEAST 120 if he was turned like a year or two before they had to replace swords with guns. You should talking it up with the administration. As much as iii wouldn't mind, it could be an area of concern to those guys in charge. It'd be pretty cool ending up with a samurai and not settling with just some random Japanese WWI/II soldier which wouldn't have much flair to him.

Now onto the sheet.

You need more detail on everything. Physical appearence: describe things like the shape of the face and any scars on the body. Clothing: you don't have anything about colors or graphics on it. Samurai suits are especially unique to the person and would have to be described EXACTLY how it looks, including the shape of the crest or the look of the mask. Maybe what he wheres at home. You could add pics if you want

I have a little concern with the armor though. As much as I LOVE Japanese culture, this guy is going to enounter a lot of action involving firearms & fire fights; a few millimeters of steel aren't gonna stop a bullet. You can keep the shin-guards, arm-guards, kabuto, & tassets, but his center-mass is the area of concern. You can get rid of the chest-plates entirely and go with something more bullet-proof like SAPI plates or kevlar. OR you can keep the steel and simply put kevlar behind it.

Weapons. Ok, swords and a spear sound nice, but how is this guy gonna get his paws on a horse so he can use his yari?? Don't make the weapons purly silver: silver is softer than steel and would break easier as a weapon. What you can do is say that this guy plated or gilded his weapons in silver, or what some players do is say that just the edge is silver. The other thing is that you might want a distance weapon. Unless you can short-range-teleport or get to your opponent very quickly enough to cut them down without a chance to shoot at you, your gonna have problems without good protection or a ranged weapon. Samurai used longbows, after all you wouldn't be the only character using a bow on the forum. Like I said about cloths, we know what the frame of the weapon looks like, but you should talk about any graphics or modifications made to them. For example if I was to say my character had an M1911: we know what that looks like, but I would have to state any graphics applied, engravings, and if it wears a suppressor or if it's physically altered in any way like a cut-down barrel. In this case of a katana, talk about whether the cross-guard is round, square, etc., if theres a design on it, what color the ribbon around the hilt is, and if there's anything hanging off the ribbon or if your character put notches in the edge.

And now the biography. Is this the part you're not done with? Cuz' you got a really short biography otherwise, which is understandable; the biography is ALWAYS the hardest part. Whether or not your done, it could use some work with whatchya got. You need LOTS of detail. An admin once told me that you should put in every detail even if you don't really think you need it. In this case, how your character became a samurai (which he was probably born in, but include what kind of family he had anyway), and what his whole life was like. What really worries me is you didn't say what happened after he was turned. That's a hundred-year gap. Surely he was probably a soldier during at least one of the two world wars. What happened?

As part of your biography, you wanna think of where you wanna make your start, and with that in mind, you gotta put down how he got there. For hypothetical example if he took a plane to England in I'd say 1980.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Tue Apr 02, 2013 5:49 pm

Benny, I appreciate your willingness to help out another member but only Staff are supposed to be posting on the sheets. If you have critique and Utsu is cool with it, by all means sends a PM or something but please do not post on the application itself. Especially considering it is still in the WIP stage.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sat Apr 13, 2013 6:18 am

I am now ready for criticism and judging
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sat Apr 13, 2013 3:17 pm

Couple things to point out here.

1. 184 is rather old for a Cat D. He hasn't evolved much since he was first turned. Adding to that, if he was born in 1860, being 184 years old would put us in 2044. Since the forum operates around 2004, that's an issue.

2. Clothing and physical description could use some more detail but this armor is throwing me for a loop. It's from 1860 but it's got kevlar and can no sell modern firearms? That's not how that works bud.

3. That's a lot of weaponry to be hauling around all the time. How exactly did he come across these special silver super weapons?

4. The horse would count as a familiar which is outside of Cat D abilities. Sorry mate.

5. Bio needs a lot of work. Tell me how he grew up to be a samurai and elaborate on this vampire attack. More importantly, why did he go to England of all places and why did he just sit in his house for a hundred years? That shouldn't be possible without some blood or birthplace soil first of all and second, earlier in the sheet you claim that he isn't familiar with the modern world. Did he never leave his wooden house during all that time?

6. Main weakness in the rp sample is the establishment of setting. You tell us what the character is doing but nothing about the environment around him, reactions of others, or thoughts really. Like I usually tell people, don't think of it like you're setting up fight choreography. Treat it like an excerpt from a book.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sat Apr 13, 2013 3:50 pm

The kevlar armour is something he invented himself when fighting modern vampires. I'll try and fix all problems mentioned thanks for helping
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sat Apr 13, 2013 5:34 pm

The various edits have been made. He is 144 now. I have explained how he got silver weapons. I lengthened the biography and changed the rp sample. If there is any problems still just tell me and I'll make the necessary changes.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sat Apr 13, 2013 6:07 pm

Finding the silver is one thing but is this guy a master blacksmith too? You need to be able to forge that armor and weapons and if he's living in a wooden shack outside of London he doesn't exactly have a forge handy. The bio alteration gave more detail regarding the incident where he was turned but it doesn't tell me that much more about his life. He was born, killed his father, got bit, went to London -FLASH FORWARD A CENTURY- he starts hunting vampires. That brings up my biggest issue with this character. The fish out of water angle works when there's a legitimate reason for the character to not understand their environment. The protagonist of Planet of the Apes was on a strange new world he never knew existed. Captain America was frozen for decades so he had no way to get any info on the passage of time. This samurai lived on the edge of London for 100 years and never noticed the progression of society? I just don't buy it man, seems like we're jumping the logic shark with that one.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sat Apr 13, 2013 6:15 pm

I see your point. I'll try to fix up as many things as possible. as for not knowing what's going on. I said that he saw london but didn't trust that he wouldn't kill people cuz he's a vampire. eventually he decided he did have enough control and went inside. however it's true that as a samurai he wouldn't be a blacksmith plus no forge so I'll have to clean that up. I'll try to add more to the bio thanks again for your help
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sun Apr 14, 2013 4:15 am

I finished the weapon problem. It's silver coated which means he just melted silver and painted it on the weapons. I'll keep working to fix the bio

Armour issue fixed. Kevlar padding on outside and inside.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sun Apr 14, 2013 4:36 am

A bit more added to bio about his childhood. I think I'm finished but tell me if I've forgotten something
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sun Apr 14, 2013 1:13 pm

I'm iffy on the age, but I'll let it go.

Description is incredibly short and desu.



No armor is totally bulletproof. Armor piercing bullets are designed, specifically, to pierce armor, so I'm going to have to say they'll get through your stuff, especially since it's based on old stuff swords could get through. It should also become less effect the closer you are to the person shooting you. You've basically set yourself up to the point where no one but Michel, Alucard, Ladd, and Jay can get through your covering.

That is a ton of weapons to just haul around.

I'd like some description on them, too, and the silver painting isn't going to work. Metal only stay liquid for so long; it will eventually harden and crumble off if it doesn't break apart the first time you hit something. You're either going to have to reforge or just deal with regular blades. Where's he meant to find a horse, by the way?

Copypasta the D abilities for fun. There's also a lot more skills a samurai should have. They aren't all about hacking through trees and stabbing themselves in the gut; they were also well-read, trained in dancing, proficient in tea ceremony, and expert Shogi and Go players, just to name a few non-combat abilities of an average samurai. I'd also like to see some compensation for that armor. If it's really that heavy, it'll slow even a vampire down a little.

Same concern with the personality as Anderson; you've lived that long, yet we're meant to believe you've never encountered the modern world, even though you seem to regularly go and hunt vampires (which like to inhabit cities and towns). It's also very brief and lacks a lot of "Why?" elements to it; I still don't know why he does what he does, you just tell me that he does it.



Biography is seeing heavy Hollywood Swordsman traits. First of all, samurai never used both a Katana and a Wakizashi at the same time, nor did they ever use two Katana at the same time. Maybe if their lives depended on it, but otherwise, that never happened, so he'd not be taught to do that (also, tradition dictates that samurai are to be right handed).

Second, your guy is 40, but he's still in training? If he started training as a child (appropriate), then he should be considered a real samurai by the time he reached adulthood, around 20 or so. Yes, he'd pail in comparison to his father, but there'd be no reason for him to have to wait to train with these other weapons until he became a man. He should also know how to use a bow at some point, a weapon most people forget was as dangerous as a sword in the hands of a trained archer.

You skip around a lot in the first paragraph. You give us short glimpses of what's happened, then skip to something else. I want to learn what else was going on at the time.

Second paragraph:



I can buy that the enemies would send out a vampire that was loyal to them into the fields. I can buy that she just happens to bite you (draining your blood, as you need to add) and, while distracted, she gets killed. However, for the others to instantly recognize both her and you as a vampire, that's stupid as Dragonball Evolution. You'd "die" after being turned and lay there until night, then wake up as a baby vampire with two holes in your neck.

Why England? He can't speak English and it would take forever to get there. His reasons for leaving are fine, but the way he does it is just stupid. We go back to his, "Never been to society," part now, which I still don't believe, especially since he somehow learned modern technology to make his invincible armor. Not only that, he'd be having to maintain all of his weapons, so he'd have to go get supplies at some point.

We need some talks in the sample. You speak, but no one else does. I'm also reminded of how he should be completely unable to speak or understand English. Laughing at tanking point blank gunfire with no ill-effects, by the way.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sun Apr 14, 2013 1:45 pm

Well that was a lot and makes me feel totally retarded but the saddest part is that it's all true. I'll fix up everything even though it'll take some time. Thanks for bothering
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sun Apr 14, 2013 1:47 pm

You shouldn't be feeling bad, you're far from the worst thing I've ever seen. That's not even from this site, but I hope some day they'll find their way here so I have my chance at them.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Mon Apr 15, 2013 2:03 pm

Katana and wakizishi were in fact duel wielded. It was called a daisho and db evolution was too retarded for any stupid impossible things my character can do,even if he had black waffle magic. That's all I have in my defence (lol) just wondering. Can I have garlic and a wooden stake cuz integra says that they work even though it's never shown in practice
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Mon Apr 15, 2013 2:21 pm

They really weren't. Like I said before, there was that very rare moment in time where, if they really had to, where they would use both of their swords, but other than that, it was not taught as a discipline. The act of wearing a set of specially made katana and wakizashi is called Daishō. It could also apply to the pairing of a tanto with any longer sword.

I know what I'm talking about, considering I've been training as a swordsman since I was a young lad.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Mon Apr 15, 2013 2:55 pm

In regards to the second part of your post Utsu, a wooden stake is perfectly applicable. Anything that can pierce the vampire's heart is effective and we even see Abraham use one on Dracula in Alucard's flashback. In regards to the garlic, there's no rule that say you can't have it but I don't see anything in Hellsing that proves it will have any effect. Granted, Hirano did use the original book and Coppola's film as a strong inspiration and springboard and certain cursory bits like vamps being unable to cross moving water on their own hold true. However, other issues like requiring permission to enter a house are never seen in Hellsing. Unlike other superstitions like white oak or salt, garlic doesn't have folklore backing it as a source of purity against the supernatural. It was used as an insect repellent actually. Some argue that the vampire myth came about due to the spread of terrible plague back in the day caused by mosquitos. Garlic deters bugs = no bite => idea that vampires hate garlic.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:45 pm

If you think about it though we have no idea for sure if the permission to enter thing is true or not in Hellsing. Remember most of the enemies of Hellsing aside from Iscariot were FREAKS. Alucard, and Seras were the only true vampires. Alucard has permission to be in the house due to being captured by Van Helsing, and so does Seras now as a direct result of Integra allowing Alucard to bring her into Hellsing. So both vampires do have permission. The FREAKS as you can recall bypassed some of these things like making only non-virgins ghouls, and if you saw in the round table presentation even children were made into ghouls. Garlic is a whole other issue though. It's never tested in Hellsing, and of course it would never affect Alucard. As for using a stake well let's just say I think Anderson would be the only one capable of putting one into a strong vampire.
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Tue Apr 16, 2013 10:56 am

Fair point. Also I looked that up again John Smith and you're right. Sorry for trying to contradict you. Thanks to Anderson and Integra for clearing that up for me. I have a lot to work on so I'll put this back in the WIP stage.


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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sat Jun 08, 2013 7:30 pm

Is this still being worked on?
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PostSubject: Re: Utsu WIP   Sat Jun 08, 2013 7:41 pm

I'm not too sure, I'll tell you if I decide I'm done with this one, I'm concentrating on yōhei now cuz this guys got too many holes, but I still like him so I might try to fix him, start him again or give up on him
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