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 Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht

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PostSubject: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:07 pm

(~I watched the Animé, learned it wasn't 100% Canon, completed the OVA series. I'm now reading the Manga, currently at Chapter 15.~)

Name: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht

Age: 245

Gender: Male (but doesn't identify)

Physical appearance:

  • Height: 6'7"
  • Weight: 245lbs
  • Body Type: Muscular (was a slave when mortal)
  • Skin Tone: Ebony (with dark scars lining the length of his body)
  • Hairstyle: Long, Wavy
  • Hair Color: Raven Black
  • Eye Color (Sclera): Dark Red / Crimson
  • Eye Color (Irises): Yellow-gold
  • Fashion Sense: Usually wearing all black, with the occasional touch of purple. He models much of his fashion as a 'Gothic Dick Tracy', his own words.


When he moves, he walks without the tell-tale graceful 'glide' of most Vampires his age. He walks like anyone else, although he can employ stealth when the need arises.

Clothing of choice: See "Fashion Sense".

Typical Field Wear

Maximillion goes for what he calls the "Gothic Dick Tracy" look. He just substitutes with dark DARK purple what Dick Tracy wore in yellow. He wears a black suit underneath, and his dark purple hat contains a few more concealed weapons. Within the folds of his trenchcoat, as well as his suit and pants, he conceals a vast array of weaponry (listed below) that are used in combat. He has been working with some folks to try and design a new style of weapon carrying that will optimize his access to different accessories in combat.

Personal Wear

This is more 'casual wear' for Maximillion. Upon having access to a new wardrobe, perks of working for wealthier clients, this was what he decided he would wear when he wasn't out in the field. It is a fancy, "classy" suit with a large embroidered "M" on the left breast. He has places in this ensemble where he's stitched in secret weapon carrying slots (or "Hidden Inner Pockets") for access, even during situations where his position as a Civilian may require more formal or civilian dress.


Weaponry of choice:

"Assassin Gear"

Equipped with miniature mine-infused shuriken, consecrated Claw Knuckles and countless Kunai, Maximillion sports the "Shinobi" vibe in his choice of weaponry. It's speculated that he was positively inspired during his time in the Orient long ago. The typical kit (replenished upon returning to Hohenheim HQ) is 50 Kunai, 4 sets of Consecrated Claw Knuckles, and 400 tiny, mine-infused shuriken, each loaded with explosives that are small, capable of 1st degree burns, but otherwise non-fatal when used alone.

"Gheos"

The weapon is styled in such a way that the blade is serrated with fine, silver-laced points on one end, and just normally serrated on the other (for combat with non-Undead). The handle is wrapped in hardened leather with special grooves made in it to enhance grip. The blade is heavily pressurized, lending it immense density, while it's shape makes it more aerodynamic, and easy to turn/flip in the midst of combat, with minimal strain to the wielder.

Race: Vampire (Category D)

Abilities: The butter and bread of vampires, often these sorts of vampires are a step up from the Category D, having evolved from that level to be a better fit hunter of the night. They are the second largest group of vampires, but still cannot match up to the numbers of the Category F sorts.
Traits: Regeneration may take a long amount of time for major damage (ie: 15 posts), sublime supernatural strength, agility, stamina, durability, and reflexes, big weakness to silver and blessed weaponry but survivable, killable through conventional means, ability to turn virgins into vampires, non-virgins into somewhat weak ghouls, the need to drink blood occasionally, susceptible to unblessed damage (still fatal to them), meagre weakness to sunlight (as in they get sick around it).

He is also blessed with a vast amount of worldly knowledge and booksmarts, having spent a long time traveling from library to library around the world, and is very well-read. He is often heard quoting Shakespeare, or musing about something he read in a book, Fiction and Non-Fiction alike. In addition to this, his ability to think on his feet, calculate highly complex (and effective strategies) while in the midst of intense situations, and his knowledge of the human mind gives him great insight into the motives and patterns of others, requiring very little time around said person(s) to intuitively deduce whether or not he can trust them, roughly assess the amount of worldly knowledge and experience they might have, and calculate the odds of him being able to hold his own against them in a fight, or intellectual debate.

Organization: Unaffiliated

Personality:

Feelings Profile
  • Maximillion is suspected of possibly being bipolar, going between moods of great euphoria to questionable depression throughout the day. A powerful Presence of Mind allows him to acknowledge when these 'shifts' occur, allowing him to eventually become aware enough of the symptoms to keep them from interfering with his work. This same presence of mind causes him to sometimes overthink things, and become overstimulated.

    While he's not prone to 'freaking out', he does often end up taking a moment to compose himself before re-engaging in whatever he's doing. It's for this reason, amongst a select few others, why his assignments often don't involve him being sent into combat situations with any real position of authority. Although he hasn't compromised a mission yet, he's always sent with someone powerful enough to subdue him, who is given orders to return him to the Hohenheim Organization HQ should he lose control over himself. Something he isn't too fond of, but doesn't argue with.


Social/Behavioral Profile
  • Maximillion is on the socially awkward side, making few friends, and tending to gravitate more towards them in social situations. He deals well with people in situations where he doesn't have to be emotional, proving quite capable in situations of Diplomacy or Negotiations when those involved have no personal connection to him. However, if he is emotionally attached in any capacity to his social/work environment, he tends to either become more withdrawn into himself, or tends to stay in the company of someone who can manage in his stead.

    He relies heavily upon the social graces of those with far more charisma and charm than himself, and a visible display of relief upon his facial features is often irrepressible when someone comes along and covers for him if he's confronted with an emotionally triggering situation.

    Maximillion is also self-conscious about his swarthy complexion, concerned that it affects the way others view or regard him. He only confides this to a select few, but despite being reassured that nobody cares about his complexion, he still struggles with this.


Combat Personality Profile
  • Perhaps due to his inherent preoccupation with overthinking things, Maximillion does well in situations where he's being led or instructed by someone he trusts to have his best interests at heart, and he can 'relieve' himself of the tedious task of thinking/contemplating. He's an expert tactician, making use of his excessively analytical nature to calculate, and attempt to pre-empt enemy attack/etc.

    Due to the nature of his overthinking, he can't calculate to his full capacity when engaged in combat, unless engaged with no more than 3-4 combatants. In full-scale warfare, he relies upon the leadership of others so he can fight at his full capacity without risking overstimulation.


Rank: N/A (Special Agent?)
- Maximillion is, in terms of influence and power, a nobody. He only has whatever authority and power granted to him in any given assignment, which is then revoked upon completion of the Mission. While he hasn't done anything to go against the good faith he was brought into the Organization's custody and protection with, he's either too new to hold significant rank, has possibly turned down rank, or a rank isn't deemed necessary for his role in the Organization.

Biography: Maximillion was born into a poor family on a remote colony of escaped convicts and criminals. This unusual colony was ruled by an old Vampire organization called O.T.R. ("Order Through Rule"), a group of otherworldly dictators with fair complections, unusually glowing eyes, and clad in pale, fearsome armor that was unlike anything even the Elders of the colony could remember. Although they were escaped slaves, they weren't treated much better on this island, and were instead forced to do all the menial labor of this group of otherworldly warlords, foraging, constructing, and tending to the whims and wiles of these harsh overlords.

Maximillion was brought up doing hard menial labor 'afforded' by the tyrannical Organization members, doing backbreaking work, yet somehow growing in musculature and health rather than being worn down. Perhaps due to his African heritage, or just genetics in and of itself, he was a very strong, stout man throughout his mortal life.

In his childhood, a young Maximillion was removed from his home, and sent to work in the region of the island set up by the Overlords. Their corner of the island was far less savage and untamed as that of the Colonists, furnished with large housing structures, gardens, irrigation networks, and a large abundance of livestock. Here, Maximillion was assigned with several duties that involved his training in unarmed and armed combat, studying the books and lessons given to him by the eerie bald instructors who eyed him hungrily as though he was food, and would instill corporal punishment whenever he failed at whatever they were trying to teach him at the time.

In addition to the instruction they gave him, they also had him tending to the livestock, assisting their Blacksmiths and Silversmiths with occasional chores and crafting, and even mucking stalls.

This went on for many years, with no conceivable end. By the time he was in his mid 30's, Maximillion was already hard-faced, wary-eyed and hardened from the 'conditioning' his Overlords had brought into him. He knew no life other than serving the Overlords, and being force-fed whatever information they felt like teaching him. He was intelligent, strong, and headstrong, yet shrewd enough to know when he needed to shut up and do as he was told.

At some unknown point in all of this, Maximillion was approached in the dead of night and knocked unconscious. A long, unknown period of time passed where he drifted in and out of consciousness, experiences odd and disturbing visions he couldn't discern as real or fantasy. Visions involving razor-sharp teeth on men and women, bloodletting, rituals involving glowing symbols, and more things of a macabre and occult nature. (During this time, an older Vampire - who had kept his features obscured during the process, had Turned Maximillion. Unfortunately, Maximillion never saw his face, so doesn't really know what he even looks like).

Even now, in recollection, Maximillion cannot recall what all happened to him. He knows that the islet he'd dwelled upon was just a barren island now, supposedly scorched with fire and the burnt bones of what was once the inhabitants of that island. He also knows, a handful of years later, still consumed in an unusually feverish state, he had clawed his way into the ground, and had buried himself, and submerged himself to what seemed like a long, very long and peaceful sleep.

At some point, Maximillion found himself being captured and used as a Weapon by a powerful cult. Back in those days, they had devices that could force the obedience and subordination of those who consented to being Collared....and of course, after so much torture, many would willingly accept the Collar to a slow and painful death.

While wearing the collar, Maximillion's mind blanked out. During this time, he was garbed in black, and his missions were veiled as 'the mass murders of the notorious Bloody Black'. Not the strongest in terms of Vampires, he was often accompanied by other supernatural agents of this religious cult, and their might easily overwhelmed the mortals and supernaturals they were sent out to assassinate or capture.

These kinds of missions continued to take place for a long time, until he was captured by another faction, the Hohenheim Organization, amidst one of his cult-mandated assassination missions.


Subdued easily by a far better trained - and significantly longer-lived - Vampire (accompanied also by troopers with powerful weapons and technology), Maximillion was imprisoned for questioning, and had his Subjugation Collar removed.

As his eyes focused in (the first memory Maximillion had since many centuries ago, of being passed down generations as one of the cult's secret weapons), he found himself in what looked like a Dungeon, hands bound behind his back, seated upon the cold brick floor of the chamber.

After many months of intensive questioning, it was later decided that he DIDN'T, in fact, have any knowledge of the killings and assassinations performed during his days of Bloody Black. Over a span of years, he underwent new training - in which it was revealed some of his training as Bloody Black, despite being memories long gone, his body had still encoded in his Muscle Memory - and was taught the Creeds of the Hohenheim Organization.


Due to constant battles during wartorn eras, the Hohenheim Organization (Germany Branch) ended up in shambles, and it's people scattered, including the family that owned and operated it.

Out of a job, and out of a home, Maximillion has decided to follow reports of greater Vampire activity...

Into the very heart of England itself.


Last edited by Maximillion on Tue Feb 12, 2013 8:38 pm; edited 21 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:08 pm

Quote :
RP Sample:

^This said that it has to be at least "3 posts long". Does that mean I have to write three separate posts, or a minimum of 3 paragraphs?

Once someone lets me know, I'll get right on it.


Thanks!

RP Sample
Maximillion reclined back into the cushions of the green, 1970's vinyl couch, lifting and resting his feet upon the similarly green footstool at the end of the couch. Time and time, he'd been told that footstools went at the end of chairs, not at the end of couches. Could he help it if he wanted to be comfortable when he sat down?

He didn't really care. It wasn't hurting anyone, and it was one of the few things that still made living interesting and comfortable.

Picking up the black, rectangular remote from the couch, he clicked the television on. The first thing he saw was a kissing scene from what looked like a ridiculously cheesy, retro-style Soap Opera. Hitting the 'Channel UP' button again, he scowled as a replay of Casablanca - in black and white, no less - showed another sappy, romantic scene.

No matter how many times he clicked, the scene seemed the same. Here he was, awake at midnight and trying to find something decent to watch, and all that was on....was sh*t!

"Awww, screw this.." he muttered, clicking off the television and tossing the remote down on the cushions beside him. Leaning back, he braced his head with his arms, weaving his fingers together, and stared at the ceiling. There was nothing to do here, it seemed. when he wasn't being sent out on missions, he was usually expected to remain down here and entertain himself until it was time to either go into slumber, or get sent out on a mission. Although he was appreciative of the Hellsing Organization's hospitality, he couldn't help but feel like he wasn't really being used to his full potential.

An image of his Sire, the man he'd only seen briefly - features concealed with a wild mane of raven black hair, and a brightly colored, wide-brimmed hat - floated into his sights and he narrowed his eyes at it.

"You think you're pretty damn funny, don't you? Leaving me alone in this world with little to call my own. Are you even alive anymore? No irony intended, of course..."

He sighed, knowing his words fell on his ears alone, although echoing gently around the stonewalled chamber that served as his Living Quarters.

Eternal life, sometimes, seemed longer when there was nothing interesting to do....


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
I'm kinda pulling this out of my rear (I have nothing that I'm responding to), so wish me luck..

Combat Sample
Maximillion reeled back, dashing backwards with what seemed like a swift and graceful glide, despite the fact that he felt like he was on the brink of losing his balance. The swiftly moving bayonets kept coming within an inch of his flesh. He'd already felt the white-hot burn of those accursed silver instruments when they'd nearly impaled him, instead grazing his chest, and nearly crying out from the intense pain that had rolled throughout his entire torso upon even that little contact.

Small beads of translucent crimson sweat came from his pores, his sword hand whipping out every two or three strikes to deflect or parry a blow he couldn't dodge. Although he'd started the fight with the upper hand, he'd soon realized that his foe had the upper hand, and the fight had been going in the enemy's favor since.

Shaking his head, as though to try and shake the thoughts of possible failure from his mind, he kicked off the ground, rising about fifteen feet into the air and somersaulting once before planting both feet upon the broken pillar that had once held up the front entrance to the First Capital Bank. Decimated by the last tank assault, this pillar had no further use now other than to give him a moment of elevated footing to try and find higher ground.

The sound of steel slashing through stone reminded him that he didn't have time to stop and smell the coffee, and he started to careen backwards with the falling pillar, waiting until the last second to grab both ends of the pillar between his boots, then drop to the ground. His descent caused the pillar chunk to tilt JUST-so, allowing him to quickly draw back, then drive both feet into the center of the pillar, sending it shooting straight at the bayonet-wielding maniac.

Scrambling to his feet, he whipped out both hands, twisting his arms a bit to either side with enough force to yank free the explosive shuriken hidden in the sleeves of his trenchcoat. His hands moved again with blinding speed, and he suddenly had two shuriken apiece in each of the eight spaces between his fingers, sending them flying from his hands with another jerk of his hands.

Again, he didn't even wait to see whether they would work or not....he was already withdrawing Gheos from it's sheath at his hip, and holding it out, blade facing the flat of his fist, like a diver prepared to fight a shark.

"This may well be my last stand," the ebony Vampire mused aloud, a grin twisting itself along his face.

"I sure as hell am not going to make it easy for him, though....."


Last edited by Maximillion on Tue Feb 12, 2013 12:13 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:50 pm

Thinking you mistyped on that name. If someone uses "von" in their name, it's a separate word and not capitalized. It's not like "Mc" or "Mac".

That age isn't going to work on either end. That's way too old for a D, and far too close to Alucard's age.

Lists don't work. Going to have to describe those clothes, weapons, and appearance. Also, a sword made of pure silver is a horrible idea. It'll break extremely easily and will injure you if you touch it.

You don't have abilities.

So, he's bipolar, but totally controls it so it affects nothing in his life? Sounds like quirkiness for the sake of quirkiness. I seriously doubt Integra would take you on if you're a threat to the group, as you say. Alucard can't waste time babysitting you in the field; he's got things to shoot.

If this guy is so fearful and awkward when it comes to leadership, how did he manage to become the master tactician he is? That generally involves leading other people around.

Most people just use a military rank or "Vampire Hunter" for their rank in Hellsing. Also, you say he could be one of three things, so which is it?

I'm not even going to try reading your biography right now, since you're cutting off a minimum of 300 or so years there.

Samples can be as long as you want them to be. A minimum post is usually around a paragraph in length, but can be as long as you need it to be.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 5:54 pm

What would I have to do in order to have IC Blood/social ties to another character? Do I just have to have their permission?

I mean, honestly? If I have to remake his storyline (making him younger WOULD make this process SO much easier), it would be easier on me, but also require some kind of tie to recent events in order to explain why he is who/what he is.

I mean, someone doesn't get Turned into a TRUE Vampire (as opposed to a FREAK/etc) every day. :-/
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 5:58 pm

Normally, you can say you're related to someone if you have their permission, but canon relations are normally 30000000% unacceptable. Keep that in mind.

Random vampire attacks happen often, too. Hellsing is here for a reason.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:28 pm

Alright, amended!
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 7:53 pm

You still haven't done the majority of what I asked.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:11 pm

John Smith wrote:
You still haven't done the majority of what I asked.

You're right. Instead of the majority, I did **ALL** of what you pointed out!



  • Quote :
    Thinking you mistyped on that name. If someone uses "von" in their name, it's a separate word and not capitalized. It's not like "Mc" or "Mac".

    It's how he writes his name. Surname spelling, or arrangement, is up to the individual. Especially since he invented the last name.

  • Quote :
    That age isn't going to work on either end. That's way too old for a D, and far too close to Alucard's age.

    Changed the age to a wholly appropriate one.

  • Quote :
    Lists don't work. Going to have to describe those clothes, weapons, and appearance. Also, a sword made of pure silver is a horrible idea. It'll break extremely easily and will injure you if you touch it.

    Descriptions already added.

  • Quote :
    You don't have abilities.

    Didn't list having any.

  • Quote :
    So, he's bipolar, but totally controls it so it affects nothing in his life? Sounds like quirkiness for the sake of quirkiness. I seriously doubt Integra would take you on if you're a threat to the group, as you say. Alucard can't waste time babysitting you in the field; he's got things to shoot.

    This was also amended.

  • Quote :
    If this guy is so fearful and awkward when it comes to leadership, how did he manage to become the master tactician he is? That generally involves leading other people around.

    This was also amended to make better sense.

  • Quote :
    Most people just use a military rank or "Vampire Hunter" for their rank in Hellsing. Also, you say he could be one of three things, so which is it?

    This was posed as a suggestion, but I amended nonetheless.

  • Quote :
    I'm not even going to try reading your biography right now, since you're cutting off a minimum of 300 or so years there.

    Timeline was amended, and you not reading my Biography isn't exactly something I can amend in my profile.


Last edited by Maximillion on Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:19 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Organized the sentence structure and formatting to be more tidy.)
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:29 pm

I *HAD*, however, forgotten my RP Sample. I went ahead and wrote one up, and submitted it. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:34 pm

What possessed him to come up with a name like that? He's off the coast of North America in the burned out ruins of a bunch of vampires, then found by British people. Something in the personality as to what that name is supposed to represent, or even the thought process behind it, would be helpful.

I wasn't exaggerating when I said 300 years. The oldest we allow D vampires is around 100. We don't nail down a concrete age so as to give leeway, but the older you are, the more powerful you are; a 250 year old D vampire makes no sense.

You still have no clothing or weapon description.

We have vampire abilities for each class that you copy down. I'm fairly certain your guy has the ability to do something besides those, as well. Looks like a tap dancer, actually.

Those three are still there, and now that he has a rank, the explanation doesn't seem all that needed.

I didn't read the biography because the majority wouldn't be relevant after edits. I did read it, though, and I can say it really just does not make sense.

I don't know where to start. Where did these people come from? How did this colony get there? How has no one noticed any of this?

You still say they're slaves, even though that really wouldn't be possible.

Why did they pick you to become some super vampire? How does a bunch of vampires even run a colony full of humans when there'd be no conceivable way for them to go out in the sun for extended periods of time?

Even if your character doesn't know something, we need to know. What happened and, again, why did they want him? How did he manage to bury himself in the ground and go years without blood?

What are these other people he says he's supposed to be? Your written biography doesn't include how you supposedly got into Hellsing, either, relying on that timeline to fill the gaps. For that matter, why does Hellsing care about you? Alucard is the king of vampires; it makes sense they keep him on, since he's totally under control and they physically can't kill him. Unless there's something spectacular and amazing about you, Hellsing would burn your body the second they found it.

Sample has no battle post.
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Integra F. W. Hellsing
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:48 pm

Basically what he means with the clothes description is we want words not just photos. The very least we ask for in all descriptions is a paragraph. As far as abilities go we do have them listed in our race information so you can copy that plus anything extra you can think of that's unique that a vampire would be capable of.

I do like what you are trying to achieve here. Dick Tracy I did grow up with in the 90's, and the gritty gangster 40's was big in the 90's as well. It's a different style from what we have.

My only concern is that your personal code for the oc includes greed, and and egoism. Integra already has her hands full with alucard so why would she need more of a headache. Not to mention at the moment strategy wise I'm looking forward to more humans in my ranks vs vampires. We don't have a cap of course, and I'm not saying to ditch the vampire but I'm going to have to be picky with any new vampires wanting to join hellsing.

So please just make any changes or edits we ask if you are comfortable with them. We don't want to take away your character completely afterall we just want things to tie in together.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Fri Feb 08, 2013 12:26 am

Maximillion fuels his ego and greed in what one might consider the 'simpler pleasures'. How you or I may justify a ridiculously long and stressful bus route, job or career path by looking at is as 'training', 'willpower building' or 'a learning experience', he does similarly with his missions, combat training, and scholarly studies.


I may not have done the best in representing the full extent of my character's personality. After all, he hasn't had any (On-Forum) interaction with the other characters, and how he might act/react towards/with them has yet to be tested.

However, if it would help, we could run some "Test Scenarios" over in the Limbo/Unofficial section, and you could get a better idea of how Maximillion is?


I assure you, even as we're working on getting Maximillion stronger, he will be a useful asset to the Hellsing Organization. He is by no means a "Static" character, so his experiences in the next few upcoming years will VERY likely shape who he is, who he gravitates towards, etc.

As his loyalties to the Hellsing Organization are unwavering and non-negotiable, those who know him will begin to see that he IS reliable, despite his many obvious personality quirks.



And I don't mind making the changes. If I can make my character easier to understand, it'll make the whole immersion process go a whole lot more smoothly for everyone.

Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Fri Feb 08, 2013 1:13 am

Okay. I did a partial overhaul of his design. He's now more of a "Brains over Brawn" type, which -- unless I miss my guess -- constitutes a rare commodity in Vampire-oriented Games.

^.^ Hope you like!
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Fri Feb 08, 2013 3:24 am

I am staff member Rufus btw

ok I have a few qualms


For those who know me when I judge sheets I usually bas a big thing off the abilities.

So I will start there.

I would prefer if you copied and pasted the exact abilities of the Category D, or paraphrase them more onto your sheet. That includes the post count for regeneration and what not.

The Intellect thing is alright, though I would look to change the whole limitless IQ going on there.

My problem is with the analytical thing. Like to what extent does it invovle? How long does it take? and what do you mean by track them? Like after this is done is he able to pretty much accurately predict their moves and what they are going to do and become virtually Unhitable? At the moment, with how it is written I see a big potential to god mode. with this ability. Limitations are in need.

also can he fight? Sure you got the speed and strength, but that means nothing if you don't know how to fight well. What else can he do? Speak any languages, know how to play any instruments? Is he a level 99 yo-yo master? things like that could make the abilities section stand out a bit more.

With the weapons.

I am confused so he has nothing else than a PDA? or other electronic device? What if he gets into a fight with Iscariot or even millennium(who's pretty much a vamp org) how would he defend himself? because the normal abilities won't cut it against your own kind, especially when they have guns and other weapons. Or a group of Iscariot Operatives with weapons and techniques made to kill anything supernatural.


next thing is the bio

To put it simply. I NEED MORE. I want to know about this person. I want to know about his child hood, why he acts the way he is. How he came to be so smart? What about his parents? Are they alive or dead? Did he have a good relationship with them or was rebellious and left them behind never to speak again, if so why? What has he done with his life before becoming a vampire. Why did he hack this corporation? Was he hired or was it a "fuck the 1%" type deal? If he is so good at covering his tracks, how did the corporation find him?


The bio really explains why and how his abilities and personality came to be. It's what I consider to be apart of the big 4 in my book. Abilities, weapons, personality, and Bio.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Fri Feb 08, 2013 3:11 pm

They've covered more or less all of what I still have to say. Fix what they've asked for, and I'll probably be fine, too.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Fri Feb 08, 2013 3:46 pm

I changed it back to it's original value. Most of the feedback I got from other members on the forum was that it was an inspiring peace, and they don't understand why I went and completely remodeled it.


So, if we can, I'd like to restart the process. Perhaps the Staff can take a look at it as it is now (in it's Original format), and see how we can make it work without completely disfiguring it into something unrecognizable.

- Torpor explains the D-Class Vampire level weakness.
- Blood isn't necessary when in Torpor, although the body WILL become mummified (we've seen this with both the "Mina Harker", and with Alucard).
- I can fill in some historically-accurate "Filler" for those undocumented years, since we need to know every little thing about him from the get-go (no room for mystery or intrigue, jeez lol)
- I can beef up any of the text areas as is necessary.


I have received a lot of positive feedback about this original Character, and I would like to get it passed without a complete overhaul, if possible.



Thank you.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:18 pm

Since it is currently an Unfinished sheet I ask that that you put (WIP) in the title until you feel it is ready for voting
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 8:01 am

I will still need members of staff to tell me what all it will take to get this character out and into the fray.

Please also keep in mind,

  • I take into account plausibility, the Laws of Physics, Chronology, Continuity, etc.

  • I optimize their ability to fit into the Canon Universe ALREADY (including Site Canon) before any edits are even mandated.

  • I take special effort to make sure their backstories and histories mesh well with IRL historical events (those that aren't changed by the Hellsing storyline).

  • I balance out their strengths and weaknesses (social, physical, mental, emotional)

  • I go out of my way not to make them some uber-powerful Demigod who unbalances everything else, as I've seen done before by some Author's negligence.


I can't play a character that's been heavily watered down just to fit a harrowing Approval Process, especially since the current system (nicknamed "Only Murderers May Prosper", or O.M.M.P. for short) will already challenge me plenty, since it means I'll have to endeavor to kill another writer's creation just to further my own.

I'm willing to write however much, in whatever format, it takes to not lose the quality of the character, or the integrity of his design. As I do with any character I've made in the past 10 years, I will continue to heavily research anything I make reference to, both IRL and Canon. All I ask is that I be given a chance to show how much time, work and effort I've put into this character, and not just be reviewed with an eye that just sees "Applicant #743" and instinctively tries to homogenize it.

I ask this humbly, and in sincere hopes that you will take this request into consideration.


Thank you.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 8:51 am

Synopsis

Conflicts
  • It's been claimed that being any older than 100 will pose a problem for a D-Rank.
    This isn't true, and having entered a state of Torpor, he won't have had the benefit of blood consumption over a span of many years to have grown his power. His total time on Earth, awake on mobile, is roughly equivalent to that of a 100 year old Vampire. Summary: It won't pose a problem, it's just RP Fodder. If I want to play a character whose age makes his weakness embarrassing, I'd like to think I reserve the right to.


Concessions
  • Against better judgment, changed age from 425 to 245.
  • Added more description in all the mandated fields.
  • Described each piece of his ensemble, even though they are purely cosmetic.
  • Specified, in entirety, each bit of weaponry.
  • fleshed out the description of "Gheos", since prior description wasn't thorough enough.
  • Touched up "Personality", "Combat Personality Profile" and a few other grammar issues that was leading people to believe he wouldn't be a good candidate as a Hellsing Organization operative.
  • (02/11/13) Rewrote the History, removed mention of Roanoke, and made the history more geared towards the Hellsing Story, rather than IRL historical events.
  • (02/11/13) Endeavored to be more descriptive in terms of weapons and attire.


I will provide these lists at the end of each "Critique Round".
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 10:26 am

I like this guy. Granted, the idea of there being more vampires in Hellsing than humans still vexes me, but I still like this guy and if Integra will have you I have no problem with it. Normally, I'd ask that you restructure you physical appearance section into a proper paragraph format rather than a list of characteristics but considering the number of changes the sheet has gone through so far, I'm not gonna worry about a little thing like that. The last thing I need to touch on is this business about the Vatican using him as an agent. I truly HATE the idea of that. Hellsing reaching the conclusion that vampires make better hunters than humans is one thing but Iscariot and the Vatican are stubborn as hell (haha~). Even their supposedly human member have training to hang with lower level vampires so there's not much reason they'd take somebody like Max as another secret weapon. They'd cut off his head and call it a day. Outside of that I'm fine with the sheet as is. Lose the bit about working for the Vatican and it's an approval from me.

P.S. If you still have concerns regarding our Slaughter Point system I'm happy to discuss them with you over PMs or in the chatbox if you like.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 10:52 am

Amended!


Synopsis

Conflicts
  • It's been claimed that being any older than 100 will pose a problem for a D-Rank.
    This isn't true, and having entered a state of Torpor, he won't have had the benefit of blood consumption over a span of many years to have grown his power. His total time on Earth, awake on mobile, is roughly equivalent to that of a 100 year old Vampire. Summary: It won't pose a problem, it's just RP Fodder. If I want to play a character whose age makes his weakness embarrassing, I'd like to think I reserve the right to.

    Crossing this out, as I hope it's been settled.


Concessions
  • Removed mention of the Vatican (removed from Storyline altogether)
  • Fleshed out some details about a cult of "Dark Path" religious fanatics who used the power, money and influence of their leaders to control supernaturally-inclined individuals, and have them do their dirty work.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 11:42 am

Looks good to me.

APPROVALS: 01

DISAPPROVALS: 00
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 6:06 pm

Father Alexander Anderson wrote:
Looks good to me.

APPROVALS: 01

DISAPPROVALS: 00

What do I do at this point?
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 6:09 pm

You await approval from two more Staff members.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 6:38 pm

Don't like lists. You already had it written once; just use that.

Still don't understand why he's a ninja, and that is a lot of shuriken. Where does he keep those?

Still no abilities listed.

Your two examples of "torpor" are of the most powerful vampire in existence and a dead person (Mina is dead). It's clear in the race information that D class need to drink often. Not budging on this, mainly because I'm not seeing what this 250 year old vampire is going to do as a 250 year old vampire that he can't do as a >/=100 year old vampire.

Why did Hellsing just let you live? You're not only a vampire, you're a mass murderer, intentional or not. For Hellsing to accept a vampire into their ranks, they have to be a pretty special vampire who isn't trying to murder them at the time they meet.

Still no combat sample.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 6:54 pm

I don't mind the list, however I don't like how there are no abilities listed as wellList some abilities and what not

Being an assassin, that seems like a lot of stuff to be carrying around that could make noise. But that is a minor thing to me.


I don't really understand the Torpor thing and equating it to something similar to a hibernation.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 8:33 pm

List Abilities: Standard D-Rank (link provided), doesn't need to clutter my Join Form.

+ Torpor isn't exclusive to any class of Vampire. Obviously, only those who have been around for awhile will have need of it, but Vampires will NEVER die just from suddenly stopping drinking blood. Check out a couple dozen Vampire books or movies and you'll see what I mean.

It also doesn't matter what he'd do at 245 as opposed to 100. He does what he does. The age was already needlessly reduced. I don't feel a need to make another unnecessary change, just to try and pre-empt a problem that will NEVER arise. In my first join App, I'd covered every microscopic detail from his age, his history, his ethnicity, his compatibility with the Hellsing-verse, to the Starting Point of his story.

Why are we still nitpicking?



+ Why did Hellsing let him live? Really, do I have to enter the minds of every individual in Europe? Do you need a 6,000 word Bio explaining what every humanoid who's crossed paths with Maximillion is thinking, wanting, needing and motivated towards? What's going to be left to write about, if I've already written Past, Present and Future of half the European population, just to get approved?

Again, I'd like to think I have a right to leave something to write about in my actual RPs.



+ Combat Sample? The forum doesn't ask for one. It asks for an RP Sample, which I have already provided.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 8:52 pm

Don't start with that attitude.

You do need to copy those abilities. I'm sure he can do other things, too. That section is there to prevent you from pulling skills out of no where.

Hibernation is a True Nosferatu skill exclusively. Regardless of what other vampire mythos says, we follow our version of vampire canon, which shows that only Alucard has gone into a hibernative state to avoid dying from lack of blood consumption.

Age=Power. That's why you can't be 400 years old.

Hellsing kills vampires. They're not a sanctuary for them to run around, free as daisies. Alucard is on the payroll because it's physically impossible for him to go against orders. We've given leeway, in that we accept other vampire characters into Hellsing, but there has to be a good reason for that.

"RP sample: (This applies to all members and the sample needs to be 3 posts long minimum, and will include the style of your RPing, and a segment of a battle post.)"
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 9:16 pm

Quote :
You do need to copy those abilities. I'm sure he can do other things, too. That section is there to prevent you from pulling skills out of no where.

Which I have never done. Another example of problems being invented as a result of trying to "preempt" issues that will never arise.

If the ability's not listed, the character doesn't have it. One of the most rudimentary rules of Roleplaying.

Quote :
Age=Power.

False. Something I intended for Maximillion to reinforce with his introduction. This isn't True Blood lol.

Quote :
Hellsing kills vampires. They're not a sanctuary for them to run around, free as daisies. Alucard is on the payroll because it's physically impossible for him to go against orders. We've given leeway, in that we accept other vampire characters into Hellsing, but there has to be a good reason for that.

For all I know, the player of Integra may take your side on this and say Maximillion's not fit to be Hellsing. But isn't that her call to make? And I'm sure, whatever ruling she DOES make, she'll do so with the very essence of Canon Integra in mind.

Quote :
"RP sample: (This applies to all members and the sample needs to be 3 posts long minimum, and will include the style of your RPing, and a segment of a battle post.)"

So combat is now mandatory for all participants?



Please give me a day or so to talk with a few of the other members and see if there is a better route I can go with this. I don't want to completely disfigure a perfectly functional character if it can be helped.

This may require me playing a lesser character long enough to prove myself before introducing one of this caliber to the game.

I'm willing to do that, but I think I've already reached my limit on how much **THIS** specific character can be altered.



I will begin working on a variation, however.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 9:26 pm

I don't know you. For all I know, you make up powers more often than Pre-Crisis Superman. Literally every other member of this forum is under this rule; why are you exempt?

Alucard is over 500 years old and is the strongest vampire in the series. The Captain is "ancient" and can fight evenly with True Nosferatu Seras. It's not a coincidence these two are as old as they are.

It is Integra's choice on whether to allow someone into Hellsing, but that doesn't mean she gets the sole call on who gets approved if they're listed as a Hellsing. Canon Integra was displeased that Seras was turned. There's also a distinct lack of any other vampire, besides Alucard, in Hellsing.

That rule didn't pop out of thin air; it was there since the site began.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 10:01 pm

You're right. And I think I can see where you're coming from. Just as I can understand that, after being subjected to lameasses for enough time, or people who roleplay inconsiderately, you're going to grow more and more apprehensive of people being vague about aspects of their character.

I apologize if I came off as being a jerk. I'm not trying to be. I'm trying to walk the line between understanding your point of view, complying with the requested changes...

But also not compromising the integrity of my character. I try to weigh both sides of the argument, because I want to cooperate and not offend/piss off people unnecessarily, and I also want to be fair all-around.



As it stands, Maximillion is old, but is diminished in strength. If you let me have the age, I will offer an alternate suggestion for WHY he is so weak (if a reason is REALLY necessary).


If I didn't compromise, or insisted upon doing things my way (and proving I could be responsible and conscientious), I would insist upon 1587 A.D. (Friday 13th) as his Birthdate, I would have him born in the Americas, and would give Maximillion amnesia so that his ENTIRE story could develop as he's being written and interacting with others (or, as I had planned, recovering lost memories as he consumes blood and regains his strength).


You're going out of your way to be patient and help me get my character approved. I recognize and appreciate this.

But I am still going to ask - and probably push my luck in doing so - that you extend as much good faith as you POSSIBLY CAN to this stranger (me), and let me keep as much of my Original Design as possible.


I will still write up my Combat Post, though. I didn't initially see the mention of a Combat Segment, and just need to figure out what kind of situation might make him inclined to fight.



Again, thank you for your patience, and I will continue trying to find a way to reach a mutually satisfactory conclusion in this app.
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Integra F. W. Hellsing
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Mon Feb 11, 2013 10:38 pm

Still need the battle post though before we can vote.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Tue Feb 12, 2013 12:20 am

Integra F. W. Hellsing wrote:
Still need the battle post though before we can vote.

Done!
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Tue Feb 12, 2013 8:27 pm

Right so I feel like we've already tried to edit this as far as it can go. It's time for a vote.

Approvals: 0

Disapprovals: 1
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Tue Feb 12, 2013 8:50 pm

Amendments:
- Changed Affiliation ("Hellsing" to "Unaffiliated") -
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Tue Feb 12, 2013 9:07 pm

While the work put into this is appreciated, I agree with Integra; everything that could possibly be done to this guy has been done. Sometimes, you just have to start over. While I definitely wouldn't say this character is bad, he isn't right for a role playing setting. If he were an original fiction character, he'd be perfectly fine, but as it stands, he just doesn't fit with our forum. Hopefully you use what you've learned working on this guy and apply it to a new character.

Believe it or not, there's been a handful of people who've gone through many more changes than you have. Some were approved, others weren't. The numerous edits and subsequent disapprovals are probably discouraging, but just roll with it and see what happens next time.

Approvals: 0
Disapprovals: 2
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:45 am

Quote :
everything that could possibly be done to this guy has been done

"When members of this forum have completed all requested revisions, they will promptly be given Disapprovals that may result in that character being officially denied."

This is the only RPG I've ever been to where a character, that could've easily been borne of the official Manga, was denied because "we can't think of anything else that needs editing".


Also, Alexander voted "Approval", so that's 1 Approval, 2 Disapprovals.


Approvals: 1
Disapprovals: 2


PS: if you're giving Disapproval because you don't approve of me as a person (shown by an inability to point out anything that's legitimately in conflict with the Game's Setting), there's really nothing that can be done about that. It's disappointing, but apparently can't be helped.
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Wed Feb 13, 2013 9:02 am

(I apologize to staff for being absent from the forum once more, I'm trying to be more active but life's little nuisances are still getting in the way. I'd like to vote if that's okay with everyone else. If not, then ignore my vote)

Anyways, I think this character is rather interesting...from what I see you've been really patient through all this and cooperated with the requests you've been given, so I'd like to see this character be given a chance.


Approvals: 2
Disapprovals: 2
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PostSubject: Re: Maximillion "Bloody Black" VonMitternacht   Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:01 pm

I am sorry but give the amount of edits already made and the fact that I can't think of any edits that could bring this sheet to par. I feel that trying to edit more than what was already done would take away from what you may have wanted this character. It was a decent first effort but better luck next time. Don't be discouraged to try again. it took me a couple of tries before getting a character approved as well.

Approvals: 2

Dis-Approvals: 3


LOCKED AND MOVED
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