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 Amy M Hawker (WIP)

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PostSubject: Amy M Hawker (WIP)   Thu Aug 25, 2011 9:51 am

I have read the hole manga of Hellsing and 1-4 of the ova dubbed and I have seen 1-8 of the English subbed .[/u]

Name: Amy M Hawker

Family: Lilly Hawker, Hank Hawker (both dead)

Age: 22

Gender: female

Physical appearance: Amy is about 5’6 and weighs about 80 lb. She has blue eyes that shine like the sea. She also has a very fit and built body which allows her to jump or dodge anything that comes at her. She has long black hair though it use to be curly but she stranded it so she didn’t look like her great grandmother. Some of her looks come from her great grandmother as well as her mother. her teeth are well taken cared of she is a healthy young adult.

Clothing of choice: Amy tends to dress fit for any job or anything that takes her interest though she mostly wears black trench coat, a v-cut black shirt and black jeans with black combat boots the army would wear.

Weaponry of choice: Amy cares a sword that is a japans custom sword that is of a samurai warrior. She also cares two desert eagles that fire explosive shells. a M99 sniper rifle kind of hard to carry depending on the mission.

Race: Special Human

Abilities: She has only a few abilities she is a master of sword play. She can out run people on foot the Speed pretty much rivals with a cat.D vampire.and reflexes matches that of a cat.C Vampire.

Organization: Hellsing

Personality: Amy feels more or less calm and thanks out her plan before making her move of attack . She acts kindly to people and when asked she answers like a true warrior. She will carry order out when they need to be and she will train her self hard to do what she can after all she wants revenge for her family.

Rank: Field Agent (if that’s ok)

Biography: Amy M Hawker was born in 1989 she was raised like every other human. Though her life was not really normal her family run’s a government origination in America that hunts down terrorist groups and on night time runs they hunt monsters. Though when Amy was 12 her family was attacked by vampires the only person that survived the attack was her. She knows only so little of her family’s ancestors the Hawker family and the history that is related to the Hellsing family. Amy when she turned 15 was trained to take over her family origination's but, when the government shut her families origination down, she had no where else to go but live her life the way she could. When she turned 17 she asked the government to make her stronger to do what she wanted, what she wished to do.

That wish was to take revenge on the vampires that killed her family. She was granted that wish and was turned into a genetically engender human with the ability of speed and agility. She also has the ability to see about 100klometers away for her sniping is her key ability. She thinks it’s funny watch vampires head blow of their shoulders. When she turned 22 Amy was trying to find some history about her family but, she always ran short on it with only her great grandmother’s diary so the government transferred her to the Hellsing origination's in London hoping that the Hellsing family Sir Integra can maybe help her remember the history Hellsing shears with the Hawker family. Though she is the last of the Hawker family she is hoping to learn more about her family’s ancestors.

RP sample: (not to good still working on details and grammer i need training)

Amy's hair blow in the calm wind of London. being transferred here to London was really a drag for her, her faces showed a bit of home sick. Yet she hoped that maybe she find some answers about her family's history and yet she felt quite unease being here. After all she did want to know her family history and the Americans though Sir Integra might help her out while she work for them.

"I have a feeling this places is not going to be easy to live in though where is my ride that was going to take me to the Hellsing mansion"

She was outside the airport in London waiting for her ride to arrive like she was promised.

Last edited by LadyHawker on Thu Aug 25, 2011 4:17 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Amy M Hawker (WIP)   Thu Aug 25, 2011 4:03 pm

First, you need to change your "she can jump or dodge anything" line.

"Amy cares a sword that is a japans custom sword that is of a samurai warrior." Could just say katana and be done with it.

Can't have anything related to Cat. C vampires. You're only allowed to start as D, so that's where your skills cap off, except under certain circumstances.

Personality tells us next to nothing about who she really is. Why does she want this revenge so badly? Why is she so loyal and honorable? Etc.

Alright, bio. First, the current year is 2003 in the RP, meaning if she was born in 1989, it would have to be either 2001 or 2002. Bump her age or birth at least a year.

Next, there's no uniform way a human is raised. I guarantee you, no two households have the exact same parenting style.

Alright, here's some of the stuff I don't get. What organization are they running for the government? For one, the only real terrorist designated task forces in America popped up after 9/11, since the actual threat of terror attacks back then was quite low. Second, why are these people hunting monsters after hours? Shouldn't they have a special branch for that?

Explain to me how she survived the attack. Vampires that would randomly attack a home generally don't go, "Meh, might as well leave this one." Next, you not only spelled the Harker family name wrong, but it would make no sense for you to be related to them. Not only would that contradict canon of Hellsing (Mina died before the Count was subdued), but why are they in America?

Okay, so her family has just been killed, and they decide the best way to help the traumatized girl is to train her (also, 2 years of sword and gun training to master both is extremely unrealistic)? For an organization they're shutting down 2 years later, no less. And after the organization is disbanded, they agree to experiment on her, probably using millions of dollars in government funding (you also don't mention her eye ability in the abilities section), for someone they go and ship off to another country. To a place that has no relation to them at all. That is also secretive with a location most people don't know about. Right...

Finally, your RP sample can barely even be called a paragraph. No social post and no battle post either.

Approvals: 0
Disapprovals: 1

If you can somehow manage to overhaul this whole character, I'll change my vote. But I'd suggest just starting over.
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Integra F. W. Hellsing

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PostSubject: Re: Amy M Hawker (WIP)   Wed Aug 31, 2011 5:39 pm

Not only did you misspell one of the most crucial names in Bram Stokers Dracula, but you fail to notice that Mina Harker was dead already. Your character is greatly overpowered, and you have a lot of unexplained things like Ridl said.

Approvals: 0

Disapprovals: 2
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PostSubject: Re: Amy M Hawker (WIP)   Thu Sep 15, 2011 7:05 am

I agree with what they mentioned. You keep messaging me on messenger and then when i reply, say nothing back.

Approvals: 0

Disapprovals: 3
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PostSubject: Re: Amy M Hawker (WIP)   Sat Sep 24, 2011 11:03 pm

Due to not posting in the check, this sheet is disapproved, since the account related to it is being deleted. It was one away to begin with.
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